mikexmachina

As deckie Adam so eloquently puts it at the start of the episode, “Guess we know who’s getting the disco ball” helmet from Captain Jason after this charter… Poor Culver lets the crane get the better of him, and causes a minor bit of damage to a railing on the side of The Northern Sun while hoisting a tender back onto the yacht. The guests continue to watch from the water, and in a confessional Jason says it’s embarrassing to operate like this in front of the guests, and Culver was lucky only a railing was damaged…

The deckies continue to complain about João, and Adam says he took off on that kayak the first chance he got. He’s wrong; Jason asked João to take the guests kayaking, continuing Adam’s know-it-all (but not actually) streak. The new stew Jamie Jaimee, is on the way, and Aesha shows Margot her resume. In a confessional, Margot half jokingly complains that Jaimee is gorgeous. The guests come back onto the boat and hop into the hot tub.

Tzarina explains to Margot that for dessert she’s going to paint the primary, Laura, in chocolate. She’s going to adorn Laura with cakes and strawberries, and she’s very excited for the experience. Later, Tzarina tests out chocolate painting on herself in the galley, and is figuring out how to keep the chocolate set. Jason explains to João and Harry what went wrong with the tender, and says “probably the wrong person” was at the controls. In a confessional João says when a captain has to get involved in things like that, it’s because the deck crew doesn’t know what they’re doing; he’s going to prove to Jason he can be trusted.

Jaimee, the new stewardess (another Aussie!), arrives via tender; she’s introduced to Aesha and Margot and they all go off to get Jaimee settled. Jaimee tells Aesha she was a chief stew for a year, and loves laundry and table décor, much to Aesha’s delight. Jaimee meets Tzarina, who calls her “stunning” when she leaves. Jaimee meets the rest of the crew, and in a confessional says she loves a good boatmance. In the crew mess, Harry meets Jaimee and they talk about where they’re from in front of Margot; she leaves, goes to the galley and jokes to Tzarina since Harry met Jaimee she’s going to jump ship. Tzarina tells Adam, who’s helping out, that if Culver looks at Jaimee… Aesha’s love pentagon is becoming a love octagon.

The stews seem to be getting along, and Jaimee slides right into service. Dinner service gets under way, and the guests are all dressed as wild animals – so lots of leopard print. Culver dresses as an Australian tour guide, I think, as Margot and Jaimee clean up the cabins. It’s dessert time, and primary guest Laura goes to her cabin to get undressed. She comes back to the table in a thong, lays down on said table, and Tzarina proceeds to paint her with chocolate and puts cakes and berries on top of her; the guests dig in as most of the crew watch. Jason misses things, but Tzarina tells him there’s loads left over and if she wants she can recreate things in his cabin… he smiles and gives here a hand wave. Adam hoses off Laura and has a grand old time.

Later, in the galley, João tells Tzarina that he is single but he was engaged, much to her surprise. Culver walks by the galley, but sees João and Tzarina and heads off. Later, Harry and Adam, thinking João has gone to bed a half hour early, complain that he does nothing; meanwhile João is inside, continuing to clean up. João goes to bed, while Harry and Adam clean up with Jaimee; Adam says Jaimee does more work than João. I’m sorry, not sorry, but Adam is just the worst. He just sort of makes things up in his head and runs with them, whether they’re true or not; also, João is your boss, my friend. It’s not at all your place to criticize him or the amount of work he does; maybe if you were in the industry for a bit longer you’d know what a bosun or second officer is supposed to be doing. You are a deckhand, so maybe just zip it and do your job?

The next morning is the final charter day; Tzarina makes breakfast and Aesha again helps Jason with his contacts. The deck team pulls up the anchor and The Northern Sun heads back to the dock. Jaimee tells Aesha the deck boys are so nice; Jaimee says she might be into Culver, but Aesha jokes that Culver is Tzarina’s. The boat arrives at the dock, the guests say their goodbyes, and Laura gives Jason a tip envelope. The crew starts cleaning up the boat, and while João is fixing a fender that’s crooked, the rest of the deck team continues to complain; when the new railing arrives and João asks for help, Adam asks if João is there “just to collect a paycheck.” In a confessional, Harry says some people lead by example, but João just likes delegating. Yeah, it’s called being a boss… he put in years of work so now he can just manage you clowns.

At the tip meeting Jason says he’s proud of the team, but the person who made him trip – Culver – gets the helmet. The tip is $20,000, and Jaimee graciously offers to split her money since she’s only just gotten there; Jason leaves that up to the crew and João says “not a chance.” Harry creates a cheese platter and sets up the sun deck for his date with Margot, and in a confessional says he’s very nervous. Harry and Margot get ready, and go up to the deck. Margot loves the seating and cheese board, and the two chat about their dating lives. Almost on cue, it starts to rain and they pack up and go inside. It’s a little awkward between them, and in a confessional Margot says the conversation isn’t flowing. On the boat, she kisses Harry, and the two rejoin the crew. Aesha asks Margot if she felt ‘fanny flutters’, but Margot said she did not. Clearly, because she wants to be into Harry, but really, really isn’t.

Before they leave, on a smoke break, Tzarina asks Adam if he likes João; Adam says he does not and João doesn’t do anything. The crew goes to the restaurant, and Tzarina plays nice with João, making a toast to welcome him and Jaimee. Aesha tells Tzarina she is all over João, and there’s a difference between playing nice and sucking his d***. Her point is just that Tzarina is overcompensating in trying to be nice; she tells Tzarina that João is manipulative and she’s worried Tzarina will sleep with him. Tzarina busts out laughing at the thought. The ladies get on the same page, and Tzarina tells Aesha she’s not f***ing dumb [enough to sleep with João]; she’s just trying to make him feel welcome.

Tzarina then tells João how Luke was “so hands on” – and the deck crew doesn’t think he’s doing anything. João says if they think he’s not working his ass off, it’s just immature; he says he’s not their friend, he’s their boss, and there’s a big difference. And I have to agree; you cannot manage people and be their friend – there needs to be a clear line, a separation between friendships and work relationships. João tells Tzarina that Culver is the laziest deckhand he’s ever worked with, and Adam hasn’t demonstrated any knowledge of how things should work. Tzarina feels bad for breaking Adam’s trust, but João tells her he won’t say anything to the deck team about what she told him. Maybe João has grown a bit since last we saw him…

The crew goes to the bar, where Jaimee tells Culver she’d love to kiss him but she doesn’t want to make Cheffy upset. She ends up kissing him anyway, as Tzarina looks on. She gets upset, and when João asks her what’s wrong, she says Jaimee is making out with Culver and goes to leave.

So we had naked desserts, new love triangles, and clueless yet complaining deckhands. I’m hoping João has a sit down with the deck crew to whip them into shape, but doubt that will stop them from complaining. With Luke, the team was getting the job done, but just barely; they were pretty much skating by. Different mangers manage differently, and João is taking a no nonsense approach. It’s bound to cause some whiplash, but at the end of the day, he’s the big kahuna and they need to get on his wave. MxM

Sometimes I wonder how the casting process works for the various Below Decks. There have been questionable people aboard the yachts over the years, but after two crew members were fired in the last episode, we get a new second officer immediately on The Northern Sun. He’s a familiar face, not only to those who watched every season of Below Deck Mediterranean, but to Chief Stew Aesha (and Chef Tzarina!). João Franco is back, and the people that know him aren’t exactly thrilled. So in this instance, the casting department either did a spectacular job, or an absolutely terrible one. Time will tell!

With all the yachties over the years and the ever-rotating casts (can we just keep some people between seasons?!), the only thing I remember about João is that he and fellow deckie Ashton were “brus” and did some misogynistic things back when they worked for Captain Sandy on Below Deck Med. Allegedly. Because who remembers, or knows what really went on? Aesha isn’t happy to see João, and we get flashbacks of him telling her former boatmance Jack that she looks like a hooker. #Ouch. Later we see a flashback of João telling Jack he’s doing things wrong, which in fairness, he probably was. After João meets Jason and the rest of the crew, Aesha tells him even though they didn’t end on great terms, she wants to start over and leave the past in the past. He jokes around, but agrees.

The same can’t be said for Chef Tzarina, who, upon hearing João’s voice immediately recognizes it, and looks quite unhappy. João goes into the galley and hugs her, and leaves; after, Tzarina tells Margot that João is a womanizer who really screwed her friend over after dating her. She tells Margot if she ever saw him again, she’d punch him, but that didn’t happen… yet. Later she texts her friend to tell her João is on the boat; even later she texts that she’s being nice for now.

Before João arrived, Jason had a preference sheet meeting with Aesha and Tzarina; the next guests are porn stars, and they apparently want to eat a meal off of one of their friends (apparently they didn’t watch Below Deck Sailing Yacht to see the “Gary + sushi = gross” dinner). Tzarina suggests she could paint the lady in question with chocolate; Jason says, “Sure, why not?” We’ll have to see how this all goes… The guests arrive and tour the boat as per usual; the primary guest, Laura, tells Harry she’s completely clean shaven while saying hello, shocking him – and this is probably going to be a wild ride.

João meets with the deck team and he’s not impressed. He says there is no structure and everyone’s new to yachting but that will change. With only herself and Margot, Aesha runs around doing everything for the guests; João and team get ready for a beach picnic, but not before Laura (the guest, not the fired stew) flirts with Culver. On the beach, the guests go topless, and then go swimming. Culver and Harry follow suit, while João and Adam watch them from the boat. The deckies play chicken with the guests: Laura on Culver’s shoulders, and guest Skyy on Harry’s. In a confessional, João says the deckies are being unprofessional, and he’s going to change the precedent of the “previous person.” I understand João’s point, but if the guests had asked Culver and Harry to participate – they didn’t, from what we saw – would he prefer they say they can’t? We’ve seen time and again captains tell the crew not to say no to the guests, so even though the deck team isn’t structured at all, he could lighten up about the beach stuff a little…

Jason gets a text that a new stew is on the way, and Tzarina prepares dinner. João, Margot and Adam go to the beach, and João swaps Harry and Culver for Margot and Adam. Back on the boat, Culver questions João, but João says they don’t all need to be out there. Later, João talks to Aesha about the deck crew, and she tells him there were no rules with Luke – they were all just “bros.” Harry and Culver complain to each other about João; in a confessional, Aesha can’t believe João is coming to her for advice – she wonders if he’s changed.

The guests get back to the boat and get ready for dinner; the crew does as well. The guests requested a glitz and glam dinner, and Aesha continues to say she’s not good at décor, but she and Margot impress the guests, aide from the “dollar store” door streamer. João tells Adam to help run plates, and Jason and Culver get in on the action as well. The guests love the food, edible gold paint (on everything) and all. João talks to Tzarina in the galley while Culver overhears; she asks Culver if he’s jealous after João leaves – Culver jokes and says he’ll break João’s knees if he sees him talking to Tzarina again! Margot cleans all the cabins and starts some laundry, to Aesha’s delight. The guests go to “bed,” and also to livestream, apparently… Aesha tells Harry he should ask Margot out on the crew day off, and then takes down all the decorations.

The next day the guests want a “big gay brunch” and the deck team, wearing speedos (among other things – I honestly have no clue what Culver was wearing; it was a lot), helps serve food that Tzarina plated suggestively. Jason sees the guys, laughs, and goes back inside. Later Harry tells Margot he’s going to ask to switch back to mornings so they can resume their coffee ritual; he then asks her if they can have a “sunset drinks” date on the sun deck before the crew goes out for the night. She agrees as Aesha listens to them from below; afterwards, Harry goes down and Aesha excitedly hugs him. Harry is just too sweet for this world, and he’s going to get wrecked by this girl, who clearly doesn’t want to be with him; even though she says in a confessional she likes that Harry doesn’t just want sex from her, she’s already proven too many times that she’s just not that into him. 

Jason calls Aesha to the bridge and shows her the resume of a new stewardess, Jamie; another former chief stew – what could possibly go wrong? Aesha’s not fazed; Jason says Jamie will be on the boat for dinner service. The guests go out and play with the water toys, and Jason asks João if he wants to take the guests kayaking – he does. Jason tells the deck crew they need to lift the tender to get it back aboard, and Culver takes the controls to the crane used to haul the tender up. The team attaches the ropes and starts the pull the tender upward, when – as the guests watch from the water – the tender starts to sway back and forth and hits into the guard rail on the top deck. Jason trips and falls as the deck team tries to get control of the small runaway boat, hanging from the crane, as “TO BE CONTINUED” flashes across the screen.

So João is our new second officer, Margot and Harry seem to be (very) slowly getting closer, Culver gets jealous, and the guests get a front row seat for what not to do while hoisting a boat up into the air. João wants to take charge and bring order to the chaos he’s seeing, and after the tender mishap, I think Jason will be fully on board with that plan – whether or not the deck bros will fall in line is anyone’s guess.

MxM

After former Real Housewives of New York City star Bethenny Frankel called for reality show stars to unionize – amid a lawsuit filed against NBC Universal for deplorable conditions and claims that producers basically pour alcohol down participants’ throats – this episode of Below Deck Down Under felt a little gross to watch. Granted in this case, the alcohol consumption was done by choice, and producers actually ended up preventing horrible things from potentially happening, but the sentiment remains.

So what went down? We’ll get there, but there are a few things to get to before the (first?) main event. After the preference sheet/red meat mistake, Tzarina fixes her menu and the guests all end up happy. The next day it’s more of the same, and she knocks it out of the park with her Cuban dinner. So in Jason’s mind, and also the guests’, she’s redeemed herself. After spending the night shift with Harry, Laura decides she doesn’t want to hang with him; she’d rather be with Adam. The next day, because the shift was “really hard” and she’s “very tired,” she asks Aesha if she could be on the day shift for the next charter; Aesha says no because Margot isn’t as strong on service. Laura suggest Aesha do the night shift instead, to which Aesha also tells her no. Laura then goes to clean cabins with Margot, and complains that Aesha is being mean to her. This Latvian lady is something else… as everyone will soon figure out.

The rest of the charter goes well; Luke continues to flirt with Margot and says he needs to get her alone when they go out. She asks if that’s because Harry is always hanging around her – and yes, it obviously is. Margot is starting to get annoyed by Harry’s constant attention – he goes to hug her at one point and she’s not really having any of it. Later, in a confessional, she says she doesn’t want the a**hole, but she doesn’t want the nice guy who’s too nice, either.

The guests leave, but – in a Below Deck first, I believe – the primary challenges Captain Jason to an arm wrestling contest. He has another tip envelope, presumably for the crew if Jason won. He doesn’t, unfortunately, but I think the guest gave Jason the envelope, anyway. The tip turns out to be $25,000 (!) and the crew’s quite happy; Adam gets the disco ball helmet, because he’s annoying, I guess? Everyone gets ready to go out to dinner, and Laura has turned her entire life towards getting with Adam. She flirts with him constantly, and he tells her he’s not interested; he only wants to be friends because he doesn’t want to complicate things. On a cigarette break with Tzarina, she tells him he needs to not lead her on – he says he made it very clear he’s not interested. Tzarina in a confessional says she knows girls like Laura who are not used to being rejected; later she even says Laura should “have some dignity” and I have to agree! Tzarina and Culver seem to be getting closer, and it just seems like a great match.

At the restaurant, meals are served, and Luke tells Aesha he probably shouldn’t have hooked up with Laura; the crew drinks and dances afterwards. Luke takes his shirt off, to Harry’s confusion, and starts dancing with Margot; later everyone gets in the taxis to go back to the boat, and Harry tells Adam that when Margot gets drunk she goes for Luke, but “always tries to hook up with him” when she’s sober. That’s not really true, my dude, because you basically just wore the girl down, but I get the frustration. Everyone gets back to the boat and here’s where the tide starts to turn. The crew is just completely wasted; Aesha doesn’t want anything to happen with Luke and Margot because Margot is very drunk. Aesha has had experience with sexual assault (which she first mentioned on Below Deck Mediterranean, IIRC), so she wants to protect Margot. Luke wants to go to the hot tub, and he does, eventually, while Aesha puts Margot to bed.

For some reason, there is a sudden power outage on the boat, and the lights go out. Luke wanders around and is taking his clothes off (I think because they were wet from the hot tub?). He wraps a towel around him and goes into Margot and Laura’s cabin and tries to get into bed with a sleeping Margot. A producer intervenes and tells him to come out of the room, then goes in to physically get him. He’s on the top bunk with Margot and when the power comes back, the producer leaves but Luke shuts the cabin door. The producer opens the door, and Luke leaves. Aesha sees a naked Luke come out of the cabin and goes in to check on Margot. She tells Margot what she saw, and Margot had no idea what was happening; Aesha gets into bed with Margot until she is asleep again. Luke goes into his cabin and locks the door, leaving Culver locked out.

Harry, Adam, Tzarina, Culver and Laura are all in the hot tub, where Laura proceeds to aggressively come on to Adam. Culver and Tzarina leave, and Adam shuts Laura down. He goes to his room and closes the door, but SHE FOLLOWS HIM and even after he goes up to his bunk, she puts something (sunscreen? lotion?) on his bare back. A cameraman tells Laura a producer says she needs to go to her cabin. After some prodding, she does. Aesha is visibly upset, and after speaking to Tzarina, goes to tell Jason what just happened. They go to the bridge, and Aesha tells him what she saw; he hugs her and says “not on my boat.” He goes and gets the key to Luke’s cabin, wakes him up and tells him he needs to leave the boat and that he’ll stay in a hotel for the night. Luke gets dressed and Jason escorts him to a taxi.

The next morning, the deck crew is looking for Luke, and Jason calls Culver to the bridge to tell him what needs to be done. Culver asks about Luke but Jason says they’ll address it later. Aesha talks privately with Margot and Tzarina about what happened. Margot asks how long Luke was in the room with her, but Aesha doesn’t know. Margot says she feels stupid, but the ladies reassure her she’s not; she thanks Aesha for looking after her. Margot is upset, and goes to her cabin and calls her mom and sister; they also reassure her. Jason calls the team to the main salon to discuss the situation; he stresses the importance of boundaries and that Luke crossed the line with his behavior – he tells the crew he’s terminating Luke’s employment. Laura, after still flirting with Adam, asks if they’re allowed to say goodbye; Jason says no.

Luke comes back to the boat, and tells Jason he doesn’t remember what happened the previous night; Jason fills him in and tells him he has no choice but to terminate him. Luke actually “accepts” that and packs his things. The crew waits in the salon while Jason waits below; Luke apologizes to Jason and leaves. Jason returns to the salon and gets the crew back to business; he tells Culver to step in until a new bosun arrives. Later, Culver struggles to come up with a game plan, and Harry and Adam get annoyed.

Harry hugs Margot as the crew gets back to work; she says she wishes she hung out with him instead. Margot and Laura go to clean cabins, and Laura says she’s going to miss Luke; Margot tells her what happened, and that she doesn’t know what would’ve happened if no one was there to step in. Laura says “poor Luke,” and that she should have kept him happy but he rejected her; she tells Margot if he came into her cabin naked she’d enjoy it (!). She makes light of the situation, and gets back to work. In the laundry room, Aesha talks to Adam and says if Laura is making him uncomfortable, she also has his back.

Laura goes to Aesha and says she’s upset that Luke is gone; Aesha says he crossed a line. Later, Laura tells Margot she feels bad for Luke and that he was probably joking; he would never do anything to her. She basically blames Margot for making him seem welcome. Margot leaves and talks to Aesha about what Laura is saying; Aesha is horrified by Laura’s comments. Aesha goes to Jason and tells her about Laura’s comments to Margot and her aggressiveness with Adam; Jason calls Margot and confirm she’s upset by the comments made by Laura. He tells Aesha and Margot he’ll take care of things.

Jason then calls Adam to talk about Laura and tells him he’ll take care of things. Jason calls Laura to the bridge and tells her about Adam’s complaints; he asks if Laura made the comments as Aesha/Margot told him, and she starts to try to wriggle out of the situation. Jason says because of the derogatory remarks made towards Margot, she did not listen to his earlier speech about boundaries, and he is terminating her employment (!). After she says she doesn’t think she should be fired and asks for a warning instead, he declines and says she doesn’t fit in with the environment he’s trying to create. He asks her to pack and leave; he calls Aesha and tells her the situation and Aesha agrees it’s the right call.

Aesha tells Margot and Tzarina about Laura; she then tells the deck team as Jason escorts Laura off the boat. The deck team understands and watches as Laura drives away in a taxi. Jason calls the crew to the main salon again, and explains that Laura was let go because of her behavior; he tells them he has a second officer coming in for the deck crew and he’ll get a replacement stew. The day winds down, and Margot tells Aesha she feels the love from the crew; she’s shocked but grateful and ready to move on.

The mid season trailer is then completely nuts! The new bosun is… Aesha’s fellow Below Deck Mediterranean alum Joao Franco! Aesha says they didn’t leave off on the best terms (after 5,000 of these shows, who can remember – not this viewer), and new stewardess Jamie has her doe eyes set squarely on Culver. Margot gets caught drinking on charter, and is showing making out with Joao (poor Harry)!! A guest collapses, the anchor breaks, and someone else may be getting fired… Looks like more storms a-brewing for crew; let’s hope all the really dark stuff is left behind us and everyone escapes this season intact!

MxM

Episode 2 of our weekly 2-episode block (again, why Bravo is intent on burning off these seasons when networks are currently praying for content is anyone’s guess).

Luke and Laura end their make out sesh and rejoin the crew. Luke then takes off to the bathroom with Margot, while Harry untangles Laura’s halo, aka gold Greek headband from her hair. Later, Harry talks to Aesha and says he needs to be more forward with Margot; Margot tells Luke that she loves Harry but doesn’t want to always be “stuck” with him. #Ouch, that one hurts.

In a confessional, Aesha explains who’s crushing on who and… it’s complicated. Somehow there are 5 different configurations of couples (not including Culver and “Cheffy” Tzarina, who seem to be getting more flirty), so Aesha declares the situation is not a love triangle but a love pentagon. As Harry tell Aesha he “doesn’t just want to hook up with [Margot] at the club”, Ms. Third Stew is making out with bosun Luke in the bathroom hallway. #Ouch, again.

The crew gets back to the boat, and everyone is supremely wasted. Everyone changes into their bathing suits for the hot tub, but Laura takes the time to make out with Luke again in his cabin; Margot walks in on them, and then leaves. Side note: Luke has a huge skull and crossbones tattoo on his chest that I don’t think we’ve seen so far (when people tell you who they are…). In the middle of everything, Culver has a video call with his mom, Kim – who he calls Keem – at least per the captions. Being a chef, Kim asks Culver how the chef is doing; he says she’s great, and then Tzarina appears and chats with them for a bit.

Everyone – except Laura, she’s getting ready, natch – jumps in the hot tub and before Luke can even tell Culver his ‘truth or dare’ dare, Laura comes up and asks Luke to help her find her phone. He jumps out of the hot tub, leaving Margot annoyed. Luke finds the phone in his cabin, and he and Laura end up in the shower together. Everyone’s getting out of the hot tub, and Adam tells Culver to kiss Tzarina because she’s wrapping a bathrobe around him; he does! As people are getting to bed, Laura wanders into Luke’s cabin and gets into bed with him to sleep over. Harry and Margot sit in the crew mess and eat way too much ramen – and broccoli, of some sort? Harry drunkenly pleads his case to Margot, and they end up kissing; they go to bed, and he kisses her goodnight.

The next morning the crew all stumble out of their beds, or Luke’s bed, in Laura’s case. Margot notices she’s not in their cabin, and asks her where she slept; Laura says “What’s his name? Culver.” I thought she was going to lie to Margot’s face to spare her feelings, but then she quickly follow up with “Or Luke. Luke.” Way harsh, Tai. Aesha again helps Captain Jason with his contacts, and the prep for the next charter gets underway. Laura helps Luke clean up his cabin and jokes that she’s his girlfriend, which he does not appreciate. In a confessional, he says Laura’s a stage five clinger, but wants to redeem himself with Margot. On the job side of things, Luke notices the deck isn’t cleaned properly; Harry in a confessional says that was Adam’s job, but Adam thinks he’s too good to mop and clean up.

Preference sheet meeting time – and these upcoming charter guests have dietary restrictions, which is always a nightmare. One guest has a bunch of restrictions, so Tzarina says she’s going to have to get creative. Jason tells the heads of department that the weather is going to be very rainy and that they need to see about entertaining the guests. Luke goes to the galley and talks to Tzarina about his late night hookup; Aesha joins them. As they’re talking, after sneaking a drink of red wine (a big no-no while on duty), Laura stops in the hallway and hears what Luke has to say; she’s not amused and in a confessional is annoyed that they’re talking about her. Luke and Laura leave but continue talking; Luke says he doesn’t want to lead anyone on, just as Margot walks in and overhears. Seriously, how big is this boat, and are producers just pointing and yelling “Go, now!”? Word travels fast, but usually by people talking, not overhearing directly…

Luke has a meeting with the deck team and says they need to be more on top of things; he switches up everyone’s schedule so he can keep an eye on Adam. Some last minute checks in the rain, and the guests arrive. Jason and Luke escort the guests on the boat with umbrellas, and Aesha gives them the tour. The ship takes off and charter 3 is officially underway. Later, Aesha is preparing drinks and using bottled lime juice; Laura squeezes a bit of lime and asks Aesha to taste the difference. In a confessional Aesha says of course it’s better, but she doesn’t have time to squeeze 50 limes, and she’s absolutely right! Aesha tells Laura to do whatever she wants, but she’s using the bottled stuff. I think they definitely need to implement a rule in which if you are or were ever a chief stew, you cannot apply for a 2nd stewardess role. It. Never. Works!

As the rain is pouring down, the boat anchors and Tzarina prepares a sushi lunch. The guests are happy, but want to go snorkeling. Can you snorkel in the rain? Apparently, because they do. Luke tells Adam to clean stuff up while he and Harry takes the guests out; Adam is not happy. I don’t understand Adam’s entitlement, but again – if you’re a captain of your own boat, or have some other higher level type job, you shouldn’t apply to be a deckie. It. Never. Works!

The guests have a great time and make their way back to the boat. Everyone gets ready for dinner service; in a confessional, Margot says she’s not into Luke any more. While blowing up balloons for dinner decorations, Margot and Laura talk to Luke; while Laura’s running the balloons up to the table, Luke tells Margot that Laura came on too strong. When Laura gets back, he tells her she needs to “crack other eggs,” i.e. hook up with other people; he’s clearly still trying to redeem himself with Margot. Later, Margot tells Aesha about Luke’s escapades with Laura, but it’s ok because she “[has] Harry” and that they made out the previous night. Margot’s starting to get on the Harry train, and Aesha is excited. While blowing up more balloons, Laura talks to Adam and asks him if he thinks less of her for kissing Luke; he really couldn’t care less.

It’s dinner time, and Tzarina is trying to be careful of the dietary restrictions, especially for guest Janae (aka “Little Miss Fussypots”). Everything’s plated, but when it’s served, guest Karina says she “doesn’t eat this,” referring to the first course – a lamb lollipop. As the shady editors prove, this was not listed on her preference sheet. Tzarina in a confessional says she screwed up, and that she was so focused on Janae’s multiple restrictions, she missed Karina’s. She also doesn’t have enough of the gluten free tostado dish to substitute, as requested. Aesha bring out some jalapeño poppers, and has to tell the guests they don’t have any more tostadas; Tzarina then has to figure out what to do for course 2 – tomahawk steaks – which now need to be replaced…

This crew can’t catch a break, professionally or personally! From the looks of the next episode, Luke goes wild and it seems like he prevents a producer and/or camera guy into his room; Adam gets seasick, and the love pentagon continues on… and this is why I don’t watch 2 episodes back to back – there’s just too much drama going on – above and below deck.

MxM

This episode of Below Deck Down Under had it all – injured guests, impending weather, love triangles and gold spray paint; what more could anyone ask for in a reality show?

We pick up where we left off; after deckie Adam neglected to rinse the deck underneath the outdoor dining table, one of the guests gets cut on his foot. Luke and Aesha spring into action (without wearing gloves, which I thought was more of a safety concern than anything Adam brought up – but more on that later). Aesha bandages his foot, and all is well.

After the incident, Captain Jason looks at the weather forecast (and out the window) and sees that storms are coming. The guests are supposed to have a picnic on the beach, but because of the oncoming rain Jason makes the decision to bump up lunch by 50 minutes, much to Tzarina’s dismay. Aesha calls Jason to the galley, and Tzarina tells him she’ll have to adjust her plans; multiple guests have tomahawk steaks on their preference sheets, and she really wants to make them for this lunch. Jason tells her he’ll cook the steaks on a grill at the front of the boat – which is weird, isn’t it? Why not just do it in the galley, where, you know, food is prepped? I’m not sure if it was the editing or I just missed something, but I didn’t understand how Jason cooking the steaks on a grill somewhere else on the boat helped Tzarina… Tzarina tells Jason she feels bad for always needing help, but Jason says they’re a team, and it’s all good.

Aesha tells Laura that Aesha will be going to the picnic; Laura asks if she can come along because she “loves” setting up beach picnics – words never before uttered on any Below Deck show (I kid, since I think Aesha did say something like this to Hannah back in the day on Below Deck Med). She tells Aesha that she won’t need a break later, because she’ll be “energized” somehow by this beach picnic…

Culver, Adam, Aesha, Laura and Tzarina race to the beach, set up a tent, table and decorations; Tzarina finishes cooking the steaks, and adds lobsters! The guests arrive with umbrellas by tender, though a few are left on the boat because they’re still getting ready. Even though it’s raining slightly, and the wind is so strong that Adam and Culver have to physically hold the tent so it doesn’t go flying away, the beach picnic goes off without a hitch. The late guests arrive, and everyone loves the food and décor. Margot, still on the boat, gets welcome champagne ready; Jason sees her walking with the tray and tells her to look straight, not down, and she says “that’s good advice!” – no drinks are spilled.

Back on the boat, Laura asks Aesha for a quick break so she can take a shower and wash her hair after all the rain and sand on the beach; Aesha agrees, but then she and Margot run around like crazy while Laura takes her time getting ready. So much for not needing a break!

The deckies all get back, and start putting away the slide; as Culver, Adam, Harry and Luke are working to roll up/deflate and move the slide, one of the hooks used to haul the slide gets close to Harry’s 6’5″ head. He ducks, and it’s a non-issue, but Adam goes all safety monitor and points out that the hook could have hit someone and they need to be more careful. Luke, Harry, and Culver, who’s operating the hook, don’t seem fazed. Harry, in a confessional, says they all know Adam knows the least about yachts… Later, Culver and Luke are sitting in the crew mess and Adam comes in and once again goes off on how safety is being disregarded. Adam is being aggressive in basically telling Luke, his boss, that Luke is disregarding safety; it reminded me of last season’s bosun, Jamie, who also had a super aggressive attitude about safety. I respect that Adam is passionate about safety, but as the most junior person on the crew, he also needs to respect his head of department and trust that he’s doing everything as he should. Luke hasn’t been a perfect bosun, but (swim ladder aside) he’s not careless; in a confessional he says that Adam is overstepping.

The rest of the charter goes well; for dinner Culver gets spraypainted gold (to which Tzarina asks him if he does anything else but go to the gym) and wears a toga to represent… Mykonos, for some reason? The crew chants and Culver does a little speech, and the guests seem to enjoy themselves. The next day, the guests depart, and the crew receives a $15,000 tip! Tzarina gets Jason’s disco ball helmet, and she happily accepts; in a confessional she says all she needs is that helmet mounted on a ring, and the playful thirst continues. After the meeting Laura asks Aesha if she can have more time to get ready before the crew night out; Aesha finally says no, because it’s not fair to the rest of the crew, and that she and Margot had to cover for Laura. So Aesha’s working her way up to “tougher bitch”, as she said in the premiere. As per usual, the crew all gets ready and they’re waiting on Laura, who makes them 50 minutes late for their dinner reservation.

The crew gets to the restaurant, and everyone orders drinks and food; Adam makes up a meal and tries to order it, but the waitress says “that’s not on the menu.” He says he thinks the waitress is into him, which she is decidedly not, while Laura sits next to him and tries to chat him up. In a confessional, she says she likes him, but he doesn’t seem that interested – which he is decidedly not. He gets up and goes to smoke a cigarette with Tzarina, who asks him what he thinks of Laura; he says she’s just a friend. Back at the table, while Harry is awkwardly feeding steak to Margot – with Luke and Aesha looking on – Laura decides to change targets and sits on Luke’s lap. She kisses his face, and then everyone gets up to dance; Harry tells Aesha that Margot’s “gone off him,” and Aesha tells him to just play it cool – he’s trying way too hard – which he decidedly is. As Margot is getting a drink, she spots Laura and Luke full on kissing, and tells Aesha what’s happening; Aesha, unfazed, asks her if she’s jealous and Margot says she is not. In a confessional, she says now she knows Luke is a f*** boy and that’s all there is to that. If only there was a way too skinny, 6’5″ 6’4″ nice Australian chap to console her… but something tells me this love triangle is only going to get messier from here.

MxM

As Bravo did with Below Deck Sailing Yacht, apparently they’re airing two episodes per week of Down Under. I know reality TV isn’t affected by the ongoing strikes by the WGA and SAG-AFTRA, but why would a network want to burn off episodes of shows so quickly?! /rant

Picking up immediately from the previous episode, Margot is actually not annoyed by Luke’s surprise smooch, but was just caught completely off guard. She tells Aesha this, and confesses she actually has a crush on Luke, but doesn’t want to jump into “anything.” Considering she’s known these people for mere hours at this point, she makes perfect sense. How about learning her last name first, Luke? After he drops a full tray of shot glasses, Luke and the rest of the crew head back to the boat. And as soon as they do, a disco-ball-helmeted Luke kisses Margot again; this time she’s fully prepared, but Harry is bewildered. Same!

Harry tells Adam that “budgie smugglers,” or Speedos, as we know them, are part of Aussie culture and that he has several, depending on the occasion. He gets into one, and he must be the tallest, thinnest male I think that has ever been a part of any Below Deck and I want to eat a cheeseburger for him. Meanwhile Luke and Margot continue to kiss while they wait on deck for the hot tub to fill. Ultimately she says it’s too fast, but Luke doesn’t seem to get the picture. The rest of the crew is in the crew mess making boatloads of ramen, and Harry somehow ends up in the hot tub, alone.

The third deckhand is on the way, as the crew gets the boat ready for the next charter. Tzarina’s missing luggage (which later she says has about $60 – 100K worth of stuff in it!) is delivered to the boat, while Harry and Luke discuss Margot and that they’re both into her; Luke says they’ll let Margot decide [what she wants]. Isn’t he a gent?

Preference sheet time! Tzarina has an uneasy feeling about the guests before they can read the preference sheets, and Jason reads that they’re “foodies” – so she was right, and the pressure is on! The primary, Jack, has requested all drinks be served with ice; given the title of the episode, you might guess this becomes an issue later (spoiler alert: it really doesn’t). Jason tells the heads of department they need to up their games, as the new deckhand arrives… and it’s the chief entertainment officer himself, Culver Bradbury from season 1! Personally Culver’s bad wigs, accents and antics got a little tiresome for me after a while, but credit where credit is due, this guy will go above and beyond to make the guests happy.

Jason greets Culver in the wheelhouse, and calls Aesha and Luke over the radio to meet them. Aesha’s over the moon that Culver is back and she tells Luke they’re lucky to have him. Culver meets the rest of the deck team and Harry says Adam has a new best mate, another American. Luke apologizes to Margot for “forcefully” kissing her, but she says not to apologize because she didn’t want him to feel bad; Margot is way too nice and/or smitten for her own good, IMO. Harry flirts with Margot over… laundry… and in a confessional says he’s the better choice for her than Luke.

Jason calls his daughter, Saskia, who is in the Philippines, and he explains in a confessional how he hadn’t seen her in 2 years (!) due to COVID; but as we know from the end of last season, he did make it over there and they got to spend good quality time together. Provisions arrive, and Tzarina seems to be getting a better handle on things. Some more last minute prep before the guests arrive, and charter 2 gets underway. Aesha shows the guests around, and in a confessional she says they seem like rich kids “spending daddy’s money,” and she’s pretty spot on. The guests sit down for lunch and Aesha brings Rose; multiple guests asks for ice, and Laura is there, dishing it out diligently.

In the galley, Tzarina is second guessing her menu for dinner, since the guests “know food.” As the guests get ready to go for a swim, Adam starts telling Harry what to do, much to Harry’s annoyance. Later, Adam “tests” Luke by drawing boats on a whiteboard and asking which one has the right of way? Seems like something a bosun would know, but sure. Adam clearly resents being “lowest on the totem pole” as he puts it, and from experience, this cannot end well… Dinner gets underway, and the deck team helps out in the galley; Tzarina tells Aesha she only cares about making the captain happy with dinner (again, the thirst is real, but also cute).

This dinner is a wine pairing dinner, and no matter the wine, the guests continually ask for ice in their glasses (they really weren’t kidding on those preference sheets). Laura questions how Aesha is handling service, after earlier saying in a confessional that if she were chief stew, her standards would be higher. In a confessional Aesha says she doesn’t love that, and that she would never call out one of her chief stews. Looks like Adam and Laura are on the same wavelength with their bosses! The guests love the food; Jason leaves, and tells Tzarina that dinner was very good. More flirting between Harry and Margot, then Luke and Margot; Adam wakes up for anchor watch, but forgets to rinse down the boat, per Luke’s instructions.

In the morning, Luke interrupts Harry and Margot’s new coffee ritual. Jason comes on deck and in a confessional says the deck team needs to be firing on all cylinders, but they’re far from it and he’s angry. Harry does find a diamond earring that a guest lost, so he gets some brownie points with them, at least. Also, besides Adam and Laura thinking they’re too good for their jobs, everyone seems to be getting along really well.

At the breakfast table, a guest has cut his foot on some glass that shattered the previous day; Jack, the primary, leaves the table because he can’t stand blood. Culver seems to be showing Adam how to do things, so hopefully he’ll learn and be a team player; but Luke, in a confessional, says that Adam needs to know about the glass situation, because cleaning the deck was part of this job that he didn’t do…

Just like the charter season, the season of Down Under is off to a dizzying start; but now that the crew is fully in place and people are finding their rhythms, things should improve – workwise (although we do know from the season trailer that Jason does fire someone – my money’s on Adam, but we’ll see!). Personal relationships are still going to be m-e-s-s-y, especially since in the scenes for episode 4, Luke is seen kissing Laura, by Margot! And somewhere out there, Gary King is realizing he’s got some new competition on the other side of the world.

MxM