Yes, We Can-Can

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Below Deck Down Under | Bravo | S2 E2: Floating Circus

We’re back aboard The Northern Sun, right where we left off. Captain Jason tells the guests, Kristyl and Brandon – who decided to jump into the ocean – that tomorrow he’s going to bring them back to the marina. After mouthing off, they apologize, and after looking for more alcohol (those poor livers) they finally go to bed.

The next morning, Jason drops by to let Aesha know that her third stew missed her flight and won’t be coming for 2 days. Aesha, stunned, asks him if he’s joking, and he says “Yeah, I am. She’ll be here this morning.” What a rascal… Jason then meets with Luke to tell him about the guest’s escapades, (guestcapades?) and Luke realizes he screwed up by not keeping a deckhand up, as Jason asked him. Jason says they’re looking for another deckhand, but to keep someone up, and Luke says he’ll keep someone up. Progress!

Tzarina makes lobster and crab eggs benedict and says she was going to make hash browns but there is no cheese grater in the galley. She says she’s not used to being so disorganized but this galley is an issue because there’s just no space. She jokes that the galley is “handling her” and that she wishes Captain Jason would “handle her”… barely two episodes in and I have a feeling this thirst will continue on for quite some time…

Luke talks to the guys and explains what happened with the guests; as Adam eloquently puts it, “that’s a full-ass man overboard,” and Luke says they’re going to implement shifts to get their act together.

At the breakfast table, Laura tells the other guests about Kristyl and Brandon jumping off the boat, and they do seem a little embarrassed. Guests Ashleigh and Kristyl come to breakfast, where Kristyl says to Aesha that when her champagne glass is empty, that means “refill.” Kristyl then mentions to Aesha that she “needs” champagne in her room when she wakes up in the morning, and that 5:15 is a “good time.” Aesha is a little taken aback and says she won’t be up at 5:15, but she can get it to her as soon as she’s up. I’m sorry, but what planet are these people from? Are these nouveau riche who think they can just say something and it will magically appear? Someone has to deliver champagne; I could be wrong, but I sincerely doubt she has round the clock champagne service at home. Aesha takes this behavior like a champ and cracks on.

While breakfast is going on, the third stew, Margot, arrives by tender. She’s greeted by Luke, who in a confessional says “the women on the boat – it’s a little dangerous,” and then goes on to explain how he messed up his longest relationship because he didn’t want to be told what to do. Just like the guests, I often wonder where they find the crew, who are the horniest people on the planet. Margot meets Aesha, and tells Aesha she’s from Wisconsin, and she used to work for Amazon. She hated it, and has only been in yachting for six months. The guests continue to squabble while Margot meets Captain Jason and the rest of the crew.

Laura shows Margot the ropes while the deckies do their thing – and they realize at some point they lost a swim ladder because they didn’t take it off before the boat went cruising. Adam tells Luke what happened; Jason comes along and Luke tells him as well. Jason, in a confessional, says even though they’re a man down, this is the second time Luke screwed up and he’s doubting his ability. In a confessional, Luke says he knows he needs to get it together, but on the boat tells Harry and Adam not to stress.

Brandon wakes up and while he’s presumably sober, apologizes again to Jason; Jason says it’s all good, and then says to Aesha if he had to apologize every time he was drunk he’d be f***ed. Aesha goes to the galley to talk to Tzarina about the guest’s requested Moulin Rouge themed night, and Aesha says they’re dressing as ‘can-can’ girls. Margot says she’s not a dancer, but Laura has been dancing for 15 years. Convenient! But Laura strikes me as the type of person who would say she can do just about anything… The guests go diving with Adam and Harry, as Jason finally finds a deckhand. Later, below deck, Luke asks Margot to walk on his back, and she does; they talk about the crew night out and Luke is practically drooling.

Later later, Margot asks Harry how old he is (23) and he says that he’s 6’4″ but in a confessional confesses that he’s really 6’5.” Apparently from experience he’s learned to lie about his height because that one inch is somehow a dealbreaker for most girls. The stews set up the Moulin Rouge décor, and Laura says she can do a can-can dance now that Aesha’s tracked down an appropriate costume. Jason joins the guests for dinner, and the crew and the guests dress in Moulin Rouge costumes. The guests are happy with the food, but continue to fight like petulant children. In a confessional, Jason critiques the presentation of the food, but says it tastes “alright.”

Laura gets dressed and after a minor tech issue, Aesha pulls up some music on her phone and Laura performs a can-can dance for the guests at the table. The crew joins in, as well as some guests, and the guests are quite happy with the performance. Jason goes to the galley and lets Tzarina know there were some issues, but she tells him she’s aware of the things that weren’t perfect.

The next day is drop off day, and I’m exhausted just watching these guests. Aesha asks Jason if he wouldn’t mind waking Carmen, the primary, because it was on her preference sheet to have a hot crew member wake her up, apparently? Again, what planet do these garbage people hail from, because NASA needs to discover it and blow it up. Jason and Aesha have bonded, and she says he’s like a big brother; she loves putting him in awkward situations. Jason puts on a mask, puts a rose in his mouth, and delivers breakfast in bed to Carmen after chanting “tips” away from the guests. He really is a sport, because my answer would have been “hell no.” The rest of the guests have breakfast and are really happy with their quail eggs. Kristyl and Brandon arrive and start acting up, yet again. Aesha in a confessional says she’d pay these guests to leave. Same.

It’s time for the first docking, and Luke asks Margot and Laura to help with the fenders. The guests continue to yell at each other while Jason maneuvers to the dock. It’s a very close call, but Laura manages to not let the boat hit, by jamming a fender between the boat and dock. The guests depart, still arguing; but Carmen apologizes to Jason and gives him the tip. At the first tip meeting, Jason thanks the crew and tells them there’s a deckhand on the way. The tip is $17,500, and everyone seems happy, though I’d want my own yacht for dealing with these people. As Captain Jason likes to do, he retrieves his disco ball helmet – a “you can do better award” – and gives it to Luke because of the lost swim ladder; Luke happily accepts.

Before the crew night out, Aesha gets a video call from her boyfriend; she says they’ve been together for 2 years and they want to buy a house in New Zealand because they’ve been living out of an ambulance (?) and going to the bathroom in buckets is not fun. Very odd, and also TMI? Harry is eager to go out and talks to Margot while Laura is hogging their shower. Tzarina, whose luggage still hasn’t arrived, wears a tracksuit, and Luke wears the disco ball helmet. After what seems like 6 hours, to Margot, Laura is finally ready and they crew heads out.

At the restaurant, Luke is flirty with Margot and the crew starts drinking at dinner. At the club, Harry dances with Margot and in a confessional, Luke says “It’s game on.” Douchey, much? In a corner, Margot asks Aesha if Harry is gay; they laugh but Aesha says he’s not. Luke continues pursuing Margot, and while they’re talking he says she has an eyelash on her and she should close her eyes. She does, and he kisses her, much to everyone’s shock and Margot’s annoyance. He doubles down and asks her if they can kiss for real, but her arms are folded and she doesn’t seem to be having it. Luke is certainly giving Gary from Below Deck Sailing Yacht a run for his money on the douche-o-meter so far, but with a new male deckhand added to the mix, and Harry’s puppy dog crush, Margot (who’s known everyone for less than 24 hours!) may be able to send him packing.

MxM

Ship of Fools

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Below Deck Down Under | Bravo | S2 E1: Yes, We Cairns

We’re back in Australia (specifically Cairns, site of a certain boat crash involving a certain luxury yacht captain) with Captain Jason Chambers and a new season of Below Deck Down Under!

Jason has his work cut out for him this season, as the yacht he is captaining, The Northern Sun, is a refurbished one from 1977. Jason mentions that the yacht has been updated for the guests, but not for him – there are no modern controls on this yacht, and it only has one rudder, which makes steering a lot more difficult. As they depart for the first charter, there is a close call with almost knocking into the dock, so we’ll see how he manages with all future maneuvers. As Jason gets ready to meet the crew before the first charter, he get the news that a stewardess is delayed because she is on another boat, and a potential deckhand has visa issues, so the crew is already down 2 people before the season even begins!

The only returning crew member from season 1 is Chief Stewardess Aesha Scott, who is just a human ray of sunshine. Even though Aesha says she’s going to be a “tough bitch”, she quickly corrects herself and says she’ll be a “tougher bitch” this season, and not let anyone walk all over her. If this episode is any indication, she has a long way to go, but more on that later. During the charter, when Jason calls Aesha to his room to help him put in his contacts, she gets downright giddy, because she “loves eyeballs.” I mean if anyone was made for reality television, it’s Aesha. I’m happy she made the jump between franchises because she was so great on Below Deck Mediterranean, and this just seems like such a natural fit for her.

Our new bosun is named Luke, and he immediately seems to click with Captain Jason, very unlike Jamie from last season. Luke says he was a second officer and hated it because he was in front of a computer all day. He prefers to be out and about with the deck crew and seems very knowledgeable – he already had to navigate the close call with being too close to the dock, so we’ll have to see how things go when they dock into a slip, but he seems solid so far.

On deck with Luke is deckhand Adam, from Brooklyn – who gets seasick and can’t swim, and bribed his remedial swimming instructor to pass him. Adam says in high school he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, and found boating, despite the aforementioned seasickness and inability to swim; seems like two things that would immediately dissuade someone from the yachting life, but to each his own. On the opposite end of the spectrum is Aussie deckhand Harry, who seems all about the life aquatic. The deck team seems to get along very well so far; Luke is extremely eager and excited, and he seems to want to both learn from and teach his new crew.

New Chef Tzarina, who hails from England, immediately has some issues with the galley, as it’s pretty small and there is not much space for preparation. Jason asks her how it’s going and she tells him she’s frustrated by the situation; later, she says she thought about quitting three times already. Not a great start, but I think she just needs to find her footing in the galley and come up with her own way of doing things. Her food, especially her charcuterie board(s!) looks absolutely amazing. (Side note: Ileisha from this season of Below Deck Sailing Yacht was probably the best chef I’ve ever seen across all franchises, so after watching her all season, Tzarina has her work cut out for her). Again, unlike last season on Down Under, where Chef Ryan disregarded preference sheets and didn’t seem to care about his job, Tzarina just wants to do her absolute best. She explains that she is dyslexic, so she goes through guest preference sheets very thoroughly to understand their needs. I hope she gets things together because she seems great at her job and is way too hard on herself, like most of these chefs are.

Rounding out the crew is stewardess Laura, from Latvia. At first she seems like a no-nonsense type of stew, but when Aesha asks her to change from her uniform into her more casual “blues,” Laura takes 20 minutes, casually doing her hair and applying makeup. She finally comes back, after the guests keep calling for her, and Aesha says she took way too long to change (so a little tougher, but not in a bitchy way). In a confessional, Laura doesn’t understand the big deal, because in Latvia it’s all about beauty and she says she should look good doing her job – which, ok sure – but not for 20 minutes and not when poor Aesha is running around like a chicken without a head for these demanding guests. Later, Aesha explains that they can’t really take breaks because there’s only two of them, and Laura says she doesn’t expect a break when they’re a stew down; Aesha is really happy to hear that and loves that Laura is experienced and can be her right hand. Again, we’ll see how another stew added to this mix changes things up, but Aesha is just trying to keep her head above water, for now.

Oh and these guests. I’m always surprised at how people act when they know that cameras are rolling. Five minutes into the charter, the guests start arguing; primary guest Carmen mentions that Kristyl has something on her face and all hell breaks loose. Their friends get involved and start screaming, all while Aesha sneaks around to try to avoid them mid-tantrum. They continually yell for Laura to get them drinks, and the “sober on the preference sheet” Kristyl changes her mind (just like Aesha said she would!) and decides she’s into alcohol again, so let the Bacardi flow! Luke takes them to a scuba diving experience, which looks incredible; it’s not really scuba diving, but what I imagine was the precursor to scuba – a huge helmet that each guest can wear while going underwater to swim with the fish. Luke enjoys himself along with the guests and then it’s back to the boat.

Dinner goes well and the guests (mostly) go to bed. Jason tells Luke to keep a deckhand up, just in case, but Luke goes to bed and tells Adam and Harry to as well, since he thinks they’ll be too tired for work the next day if they don’t. As the stew crew are cleaning up, one of the guests named Brandon, wearing only a blue speedo, wanders around the boat and asks Aesha for more champagne; she fills his glass and he goes away. Aesha tells Laura that Aesha will go down and take the early shift, so Laura can go down later and wake up later. After Aesha goes to bed, Laura is cleaning up and Brandon pops up again to ask Laura if it’s ok if they (meaning he and Kristyl, who is now also up and about) can go swimming. Laura bluntly tells them they cannot, since it’s late, they’re drunk, and it’s too dark. Brandon tells Kristyl they need to sneak out if they want to swim, and the two proceed to jump off the boat into the water. Laura has no choice but to wake Jason, who looks for the deckhand that’s supposed to be around, and Jason gets up. He tells the guests to get out of the water and if they do something like this again, he’ll go back to the marina. Because they’re wasted, Kristyl gets mouthy with the captain, and Jason decides he’s just going to take the guests back to the marina the next day to cut things short.

So brand new boat, brand new crew, and same old drama! From the trailer, it looks like it’s going to be an interesting season, with what Aesha describes as a “love pentagon” between the deckhands and stews. Jason terminates someone, and hopefully next episode we’ll have some new crew to meet. I love the different flavor that each Below Deck brings, and that there are now so many shows that when one ends we immediately dive into another one – pun very much intended.

MxM

The Coming Storm

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Below Deck | Bravo | S8 E1: There’s No Place Like Home

OG Below Deck is back! Chief Stewardess Kate Chastain – and her razor sharp wit – will certainly be missed after 6 seasons, but season 8 brings back bosun Eddie Lucas, last seen in season 3 (aka “The Rocky Season”). Season 8 also marks a return to the Caribbean, and as Captain Lee Rosbach opines, “it’s like going home again.”

Motor yacht My Seanna has a new Chief Stew named Francesca, a new chef named Rachel, deckhands James, Shane and Avery, and stewardesses Elizabeth and Izzy. From the trailer, COVID is not the only thing that goes wrong this charter season…

We start with Eddie arriving on the boat, and he says he hasn’t been in yachting for the 5 seasons he’s been away; he looks for Captain Lee, and can’t find him… Eddie call the cap, and we learn that Lee fell in the shower and “busted some ribs” – so he’s not on board for the first day! We’re already off to an unusual start!

As Eddie familiarizes himself with the vessel, Francesca arrives and starts poking around the boat as well. They meet, and in an interview we get some insight into how she thinks: everything needs to be perfect. This should be fun…

The rest of the crew arrives, and James is taken with Francesca. Later, he says in an interview he’s there to have fun and do as little work as possible (but he’ll still “work hard.” Sure…). Avery is the seasoned yachtie, and Shane is the greenest of the green deckhands. So green, in fact, that when Francesca sits and meets with her stews, Shane sits with them, unaware they’re in the middle of a team meeting. Eddie doesn’t seem to know what to do with Shane, so basically just tells him to follow the others and absorb what they’re doing.

The stews start cleaning the interior, and Francesca gets them organized; they seem to be on top of things, cleaning-wise, and she’s happy with their work. Elizabeth is a hippie-type who says she “feels vibes,” and she says Francesca has “pure intentions.”

Chef Rachel arrives and tells Francesca of her harrowing 72-hours of having her purse stolen; she seems frazzled as she gets on the boat, but quickly goes to work organizing her galley. She says she’s a perfectionist (like all chefs?), but says she has to hit the ground running; she’s been in the industry for 14 years, so she seems to know how to roll with the punches (unlike Kiko and Tom from Below Deck Med #TooSoon?).

Captain Lee returns to the boat, and says his ribs are killing him – but only when he moves and breathes! He says he’s going to suck it up, and get to work, as a crusty sea captain would do. He has a meeting with the crew, and apologizes for not being on the boat; he then lays down the law: don’t embarrass the boat or themselves. In an interview, he says he’s not going to have a repeat of last season (the less said about Ashton, Brian, Tanner, etc the better). He stresses the importance of radios, says the guests will arrive the next day, and the crew gets back to work.

Lee, Eddie, Rachel and Francesca have their first preference sheet meeting, and charter 1’s guest is Charley, who has been on Below Deck twice before. We see a montage of him complaining; Lee says in an interview he’s a handful, and makes a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow metaphor. Oh how I’ve missed Captain Lee and his idioms and colorful phrases.

The next day, Charley and his guests arrive, and the crew gets to work. Izzy seems to have trouble making drinks and keeping things running smoothly, much to Charley’s annoyance; he actually gets behind the bar and tells her he’s going to “help” her since they seem super busy. Izzy leaves and gets Francesca, who’s not too happy with this; Charley tells Francesca day 1 will be considered a “learning curve” but they better get their act together. Jeez, dude! Guests like this who are so entitled really annoy me; we’re all human beings and make mistakes. No matter how much money you’re spending, you don’t get to complain about being on a super yacht, waited on hand and foot #SorryNotSorry. One could also argue the stews weren’t even making mistakes – they just weren’t moving fast enough for the guests’ liking. In any case, this reeked of “I’m going to make a spectacle of myself for television,” so there’s also that.

Chef Rachel seems to do a great job with her food, as does Avery; Eddie says he’s “like a machine” and they’re just rolling along smoothly. #Foreshadowing… Later, Avery gets a text from his mom saying that his grandmother is “getting worse,” and he makes the decision to leave the boat to go back home to his family. He goes to talk to Captain Lee and tell him his decision; later, Lee tells Eddie what’s going on, and Eddie wishes Avery well, but now needs a new superstar deckhand…

One episode in and there’s already a crew change, an injury, and a super-entitled guest! The season started off with a bang, and it looks like things will only get crazier from here on out (before a certain virus wreaks havoc at the end of the charter season), and I’m here for the (choppy) ride! M

Domo Arigato

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The Great British Baking Show | Netflix | W6: Japanese Week

As a manga-style Noel points out, it’s Japanese Week in the tent! What does that mean, exactly? Since this is the first time the show has done this particular theme, it’s anyone’s guess – and the bakers are just as excited and worried as they probably should be. Let’s find out what Japanese treats the bakers will have to tackle.

Signature Challenge

First up, the bakers must make a batch of 8 steamed buns; these are usually filled with pork or curry, but the bakers can choose whatever they like – sweet or savory. Prue points out this is a bun challenge, so that should be the task at hand.

Mark and Lottie are doing hamburger-filled buns, and Paul asks them both to make one without pickles for him, since he’s not a fan. Who knew?! This starts off a friendly rivalry between the two burger bakers. The bakers have a myriad flavors in their buns, borrowing from Chinese, Japanese, and Indian flavors. Filling their buns proves difficult for Marc, who can’t quite seal his shut – and Peter, who overfills his first 7 buns and doesn’t have enough filling for the last one. Here’s how the buns turned out!

The judges have mostly nice things to say about all the buns, but some turn out a little dry, but with good flavors all around.

Technical Challenge

Prue’s matcha masterpiece

Prue’s advice to the bakers is “do not panic” – a foreboding start to the challenge! The bakers must make a matcha crepe cake; 12 matcha filled crepes layered on top of one another.

Some bakers aren’t familiar with or don’t like matcha; I’m not a fan, either, so I feel their pain. It’s very good for you, but much like most things that are good for you it doesn’t taste all that great…

Peter has issues making the crepes, and he’s not the only one. Noel tries to get the bakers to flip their crepes in their pans, and Dave is the only one who obliges – he successfully flips one crepe in the pan, and Noel jokingly declares him the winner.

The bakers have mixed results in getting their cakes assembled and decorated, though ultimately they all look pretty good!

Matcha, matcha everywhere

I’m always impressed that the bakers’ creations come out remotely how they should, considering they don’t have full recipes. I suspect they’re able to see what the finished product should look like, or some facsimile thereof, because there’s no way that 7 bakers could all make cakes that look so similar with absolutely no guidance. Anyway, Laura comes in last, Dave in third, Lottie in second, and Peter comes in first!

Showstopper Challenge

For the showstopper, the bakers are tasked with creating a “spectacular kawaii cake” in 4 hours. Kawaii = cute, so these creations should be the epitome of cuteness while incorporating Japanese culture and flavors – and of course, they must taste good, as Paul reminds us. Soybeans, pineapples, cherry blossoms, and yuzu will be inside and outside of the bakers’ spectacular cakes.

How did they turn out? For the most part, cute!

Lottie gets compliments from the judges for her design and flavors, but Hermine’s cake isn’t “cute” according to Prue. Prue also says Mark’s avocados are “witty and charming,” but Paul says the cake is very dry – almost “inedible”!

The judges deliberate, and agree that Marc, Dave and Lottie have done well this week, while Mark, Hermine and Laura are in trouble. When all is said and done, Noel lets the bakers know the star baker this week is Lottie! Matt announces who will be eliminated from the competition this week, and unfortunately, it’s Mark. So the rivalry between Lottie and Mark begins and ends in this episode, with Lottie coming out on top.

Noel’s manga final form

Prue says Laura saved herself with her showstopper, and called Mark’s showstopper a “disaster,” so that’s why he was eliminated this week. With only 6 bakers left, the competition won’t get any easier, and if all the bakers do well, the judges will have to nitpick their bakes to whittle down the contestants. At this point, Dave, Lottie and Peter seem to be the front runners, but as Prue points out, one bad week can send anyone home – so they all have to bring their A-game every week! M

A Sweeping Success?

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Supermarket Sweep | ABC | S1 E1: Give Me the Roses, Richard

The Sweep is back! Supermarket Sweep (finally) premiered on ABC tonight, and it brought with it nostalgia, a bit of comedy and of course, folks running around a supermarket.

The structure of the game remains mostly unchanged, but there have been a bunch of modern updates. Teams (which now have names, like “Team Biscuits,” get 2:00 for their big sweep by default instead of 1:30, but each correct answer still adds 10 seconds to their sweep time. The contestants’ podiums are now LED screens shaped like shopping carts, and they look pretty cool!

Replacing David Ruprecht as host is SNL alumna Leslie Jones. While the teams of two still answer supermarket brand related questions, the format of the questions has been updated to include categories like: picture puzzles to identify a brand, selecting the fake product from a list of three, and identifying a brand’s mascot by their online profile (and now one member from each team runs the mini sweep in the beginning of the show). There’s inexplicably still a round robin portion, where the contestants switch off answering questions – always my least favorite aspect of the 90’s/2000’s version.

One member from each team still runs the big sweep, with Jones commentating on the action. In addition to cameramen, there are now cameras fixed to the carts to get a carts-eye view of the madness. There’s a security guard (?) and other “employees” in the store, like a flower salesman (the Richard mentioned in the episode title), and barista who inexplicably slowed down the contestants. There are also cashiers to, presumably, check out the groceries.

The dollar amounts of this sweep are drastically higher; on the 90’s/2000’s version of the show, the totals of the big sweeps would usually be no higher than $2,000; in this version there were $3,000+ totals #logical.

The final sweep format has also been tweaked – it is now the Super Sweep. As per usual, the winning team is given a clue and they have to run through the store reading clues and finding products, but now they initially win $25,000 and have the option to cash out or keep shopping. If they keep shopping they can go for $50,000, and if they’re successful they can cash out or and keep shopping and go for $100,000!

I enjoyed the episode and the updates they made to the show’s formula, though changing to an hour-long show with 2 sets of contestants seems a little odd; why not just keep it at 30 minutes and air 2 episodes? It’s clear Leslie Jones is having a blast (and her energy isn’t as manic as it seemed from the previews… yet), but how could anyone not get excited about the good clean fun of Supermarket Sweep?! M

Chocolate Challenges

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The Great British Baking Show | Netflix | W4: Chocolate Week

This week the bakers are tasked with handling all things chocolate. If this season is like seasons past, they’ll quickly learn how difficult working with chocolate can be while making sure they have exceptional flavors to impress Paul and Prue.

Signature Challenge

First up this week is a favorite chocolate treat: brownies. The bakers must make a batch of 18 brownies for the judges, and Prue warns that the bakers may not want to ice their brownies, or they’ll be sickly sweet. I agree – brownies and icing rarely mix well.

Most bakers use various nuts, but Peter puts figs at the bottom of his pan and pours his batter over them so that the figs will top his brownies – an interesting approach! Lottie gives herself a whole lot of work with her double-baked chocolate and pecan brownie topped with raspberry cheesecake. Sounds amazing, but also extremely stressful. There are even a few s’mores (which is “quite an American term, but it basically means melted marshmallow, I think” according to Laura) -inspired brownies. Incorrect s’mores assessment aside, s’mores brownies sound incredible.

The bakers stress over their brownies, and some are in fact raw in the middle; but here’s how they turned out!

Peter’s fig brownies are “ok” according to Paul; Laura’s are far too sweet according to Paul and under baked according to Prue. Sura doesn’t fare much better as Paul doesn’t like her flavors, and Prue again says the bake is wrong. Overall, only Mark got mostly positive comments. Matt in a voice over mentions before the Technical Challenge that the bakers could practice their brownies, so this was even more disappointing that no one did a decent job.

Technical Challenge

A batter babka than one she had in New York, according to Prue #sus

Paul’s challenge for the bakers is to make a chocolate babka, a traditional Jewish loaf cake, in 2 1/2 hours. It seems like none of the bakers have made or tasted a babka before so this should be interesting.

The bakers follow the instructions, which say to “Cut through the middle of the dough into two long pieces. Then lift the right half over the left half, followed by the left half over the right half, repeating the process to make a two-stranded plait.” Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

Tangent time: I put this part in because I’m mildly obsessed with with the word “plait,” as this is what we Americans refer to as a “braid.” Checking the Google, the British use the word plait, which comes from the Old French “pleit”, which means “a fold.” We Americans use the Old English word “breġdan/braiden,” which means “to weave.” The more you know!

The bakers seem to fare better in this challenge than the brownie challenge; here’s how some turned out:

More than I could do! But Paul and Prue are tough judges.

Paul and Prue rank the bakers, and have varied comments. Overall the bakers seemed to do pretty well.

In last place is Lottie, who struggled in the challenge more than most. Mark comes in third, Laura in second, and Linda comes in first place! Paul asks her if she’s ever made a babka before, and she says she hasn’t – impressive!

Showstopper Challenge

It’s a white chocolate celebration cake for the Showstopper this week, and it must be made for a specific occasion. It must have a minimum of two layers and be baked in 4 hours.

White chocolate isn’t technically chocolate – it has no cocoa solids in it, a generally accepted requirement for calling something chocolate – and Prue says working with it can be a nightmare. She tells Lottie to remember she “only has to be not the worst,” which Paul jokes is a great mantra.

As usual the designs are impressive, but the bakers have some difficulties. Check ’em out!

The judges say Sura’s cake is inedible because it’s raw in the middle; they also criticize Linda’s piping work on her English Rose Cake. Peter’s cake is successful and gets complimented by the judges, as does Laura’s.

The judges deliberate, and Noel has the nice job of announcing this week’s Star Baker: it is Marc! Matt has the not so nice job of announcing the baker who’s leaving the competition: it is Sura, who Matt says just had a bad week.

This week’s challenges seemed really difficult for the bakers, and some rose to the challenge but others struggled. I think it was the right call to eliminate Sura, since she didn’t do well in either the Signature or the Technical (though neither did Lottie, but Lottie’s showstopper may saved her from elimination). With only 8 bakers in the tent, I can’t wait to see what confectionery concoctions they task the bakers with creating next week! M

Still Amazing

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I absolutely love The Amazing Race, and tonight it came back for season 32 – 11 new teams are running around the world in an epic race for a million dollars. Besides the drama between the teams (themselves, and other teams), I love seeing the cultures and customs of the exotic – and sometimes not so exotic – places the race takes the contestants.

After last season’s reality-star-a-palooza (I’m still salty that Janelle and Britney were eliminated before Rachel and Elissa in the battle of the Big Brother players…) it’s nice to have 11 teams of people we haven’t seen on some form of reality TV. Former NFL players, friends, siblings, fathers and sons, and couples make up the roster of teams this year.

I’m so happy the show is back, but so very unhappy that CBS decided to put it on one of the 3 nights per week that Big Brother airs, because that’s a lot of reality TV in 2 hours. I love Big Brother but it’s a chore to watch (especially this “All Stars” season), as is writing about it.

I’m going to watch The Amazing Race and start recapping it once Big Brother is over, because THERE ARE OTHER NIGHTS IN THE WEEK, CBS. #NotBitter, just tired 😜 M

Wheeling, Dealing and Zip-Lining

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Big Brother: All Stars | CBS | Week 10 POV

It’s time for another veto comp – BB Comics! – in the BB house, and there’s a distinct possibility that one of the nominees will come down, forcing HoH Nicole to nominate her alliance-mates Enzo or Cody.

Nicole tells Christmas again that Christmas is not her target; she just needs to use Christmas to get “who she wants out, out.” Not sure why she didn’t just say “Memphis” because at this point it should be pretty obvious he’s her target, but I digress…

Enzo and Cody are happy about the fact they’re the only 2 player to never be on the block… #foreshadowing?

Memphis chats with Christmas and tells him Nicole is scared they’ll be mad at her. In the DR, Memphis again relies on his multiple Wise Guys alliances, and thinks the rest of the house will keep him over Christmas. I kinda love that Memphis is utterly clueless that Cody sees right through him.

Enzo tells Nicole that he’s more scared of Memphis than Christmas; Memphis is most definitely her target, so he doesn’t have to convince her!

Memphis tells Cody that Christmas has no idea what’s going on, and Memphis feels safe because of all the Wise Guys. In the DR, Cody reaffirms he’ll quickly vote out Memphis if Nicole wants him to.

In an odd segment in the kitchen, Enzo explains he’s never used a teapot to make tea – he uses a regular pot instead. In the BB house he decides to use a teapot for the first time, and is amazed that it whistles when it’s ready. #OldTechnology! In the DR, Cody calls him a man child, and I can’t disagree. What would the Meow Meow think of electric kettles?!!

Christmas talks to Enzo to try to find a way to keep her Wise Guys alliance safe; she asks him if he’ll use the veto if he wins. As Christmas explains, if Enzo wins the POV, Nicole would have to nominate Cody and they could vote him out. Unbeknownst to Christmas, there are several problems with this: (1) Enzo is scarily terrible at comps. (2) Enzo is in a tight alliance with Cody, so there’s no way he would use the veto if he won, no matter how unlikely that would be.

Later, Enzo says he’s rethinking things, and Christmas is now the bigger threat because she’s wheeling and dealing. He tells Nicole about her plot to back door Cody, and Nicole laughs about it. In the DR, she says she doesn’t care – she still wants Memphis gone.

Cody talks to Enzo and Christmas and tells them his girlfriend was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, but underwent treatment, and he’s missing her terribly. Christmas says her mom battles breast cancer and also beat it; in the DR she cries and says she misses her family. I get the conceit of this game is to be cut off from the rest of the world and that it’s a social experiment, but seeing all these players over the years miss their loved ones so much is still tough to watch. Let them text, at least!

Christmas talks to Nicole (again) to see if there’s a way the girls can team up. Nicole says the slate’s clean between them, because they both made game moves against each other. In the DR, Nicole says she’s thinking about making another final 2 deal with Christmas to supplement her deal with Cody. Christmas says she doesn’t want to repeat history, when Josh chose Paul over her for the final 2 in BB 19. Josh’s decision won him the game, so that worked out well for him! Nicole thinks over Christmas’ proposal, out loud…

Enzo has a heart to heart with stuffed cow Moo-Lan… and then the veto comp begins.

As per usual the players have to zip line past a room full of BB comic book covers, and make their board match the room’s. Whoever does this the fastest wins the golden power of veto.

All the BB Comics

And as per usual, there are multiple versions of each cover with minor differences between them – and some differences are very hard to spot. My personal favorite covers were Cody’s CALI-FURY, Tyler’s ABRA CURL DABRA, and of course Janelle’s THE BOMBSHELL. The players are extra salty about the evicted houseguests in the DR, I might add… Speaking of the DR, I was on board when they turned Cody into his comic book character, but that little gimmick got very old very fast.

Christmas seems to finish the competition relatively easily, and Memphis does too… Nicole complains she has to be a “cereal killer” on her comic, while Janelle gets to be a goddess. Pretty much!

The results are revealed, and it comes down to Nicole and Cody; with a time of (a very speedy!) 11:21, Nicole wins the veto! In the DR, she asks if this confirms her all-star status. Meh?

Christmas is upset about losing the competition, and talks to Memphis, who in the DR is convinced Christmas is going home. Enzo is getting a little paranoid about voting out Memphis, and tells Cody they should send Christmas home.

Christmas again talks to Nicole and Nicole assures her she’s safe. Christmas correctly predicts Enzo and Cody will potentially flip the vote. Christmas really wants to get Cody out and tries to convince Nicole to back door him.

At the veto meeting, Nicole predictably chooses not to the use to veto, so either Christmas or Memphis will soon be seeing the jury house… At this point, Enzo and Cody are controlling the game, and it’s quite literally a 50/50 chance for each nominee to go home. Enzo and Cody have reasons to evict either person, but I think Christmas’ time in the house is over [insert obligatory Christmas-pun here]. M

Sailing into the Sunset

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Below Deck Mediterranean | Bravo | Season 5 Episode 20: A Mighty Wind

It’s season finale time for a truly tumultuous season of Below Deck Mediterranean The Saga of Rob and Jess!

Rob tells first mate David he’s in for the crossing. Later, he says it would be a great opportunity for him in order to see if he wants to continue in yachting (and to be away from Jess).

Sandy lets Malia drive the yacht for the final trip back to port, and Tom stops by the wheelhouse to see Malia in action.

Bugsy takes the guests’ breakfast orders while Jess does laundry. In an interview, Bugsy says she’s proud of the interior, and she thinks they’ve come a long way. She thinks there’s an expiration date on working in yachting, but she’s not settling down any time soon. On the flip side, Aesha says she thinks she’s done with yachting; she’s spent so much time serving other people and now it’s time to focus on her.

Alex says the deck team has had its ups and downs but Malia has been a great bosun. I think that’s true – there’s been relatively little issues or drama with the deck team, aside from Rob’s distraction. The editors make it seem like the last docking could go horribly wrong, but it doesn’t; Malia and crew guide the ship into port one last time.

The guests disembark, thank the crew, and leave. The crew has its final tip meeting, and Sandy says the interior killed it; the last tip is $20,000! Sandy also hands out “awards” in which she thanks each member of the team and rates them on The Beaufort Scale (from 1 – 12): that relates wind speed to observed conditions at sea or on land (via Wikipedia). She explains why they got their respective ratings, and it was a nice way to end the charter season. Afterwards, Jess talks to Sandy and thanks her for encouraging her.

Everyone gets to work cleaning; Malia asks Rob if he’s leaving with a girlfriend, but he says he doesn’t know. The crew gets ready for their final night out; Jess asks Rob if they’re “good” and he says they are, but Jess says they can be single for that night. #Communication? In the cab ride over, Rob and Jess go in separate cars, but everyone discusses them on the way to dinner. At the dinner table things get awkward quickly when Jess doesn’t want to sit opposite Rob.

Sandy talks to Tom, who kinda apologizes for being a jerk. Sandy basically says she knows how yacht chefs are. Everyone seems to be having fun except Jess, and the crew even gets to dance with some dancers at the restaurant. In an interview, Sandy says she loved the crew, despite the Kiko and Hannah situations; Sandy leaves the yachties after dinner.

The gang heads out to a club, where Jess tells Rob he’s completely “cold-shouldered” her. He says everything is always his fault… they sit down and continue discussing things. He says she was the one who said they could be single that night; she says nothing she ever does will make him happy. As the rest of the crew celebrates, Rob tells Jess she can go to Bali without him; she gets upset and walks off.

As a (really ripped) fire dancer performs for the crew, Bugsy goes after Jess, who’s in the bathroom – which is behind a false bookcase. Very cool, but very odd in this setting. Inside the club, the yachties run into the charter guests that just left the yacht! Rob chats up Hannah, who tells him he has a beautiful soul while Jess gets angry and vents to Malia. Jess says Rob’s ignoring her while going after Hannah, while Alex and Bugsy make out, and Tom and Malia are their usual PDA-tastic selves. The former charter guests leave, and the yachties leave shortly after.

The girls go in one cab, and the boys in the other; Jess cries and says she loves Rob and doesn’t want to cry over him. The boys discuss things and Alex tells Rob not to let Jess tell him what to do. And they’re all very drunk at this point, so no one will remember any of it, I’m sure. In any case, Malia tells Rob she thinks Jess really loves him, but they’re on different wavelengths at the moment.

Jess says she doesn’t know what Rob wants from her, so he can be single. And they’re still sharing a 2 foot cabin, somehow. The next morning Rob and Jess speak, and he tells her he’s doing the crossing; she says he’s “damaging” to her. She cries and asks him for a hug; she asks him not to do the crossing and not to “run from this.” He says he has a ticket to Bali and he has 2 days to decide what he’s doing… Rob says they should pack and just get off the boat; he kisses Jess as they go about packing things up.

Alex is the first to leave the boat, and he says he had a great experience. Bugsy sweetly kisses him goodbye and he takes off. Rob says his goodbyes, and Jess leaves with him; they hold hands and kiss once they’re off the boat. We learn that Rob did in fact go to Bali with Jess instead of doing the crossing. But in real time we know they’re not together (spoiler alert, to no one at all).

Aesha is next to leave, and happy to go home. Bugsy is next to go, and Sandy says it was a pleasure having her back. Malia and Tom are the last ones on the boat, and Tom says it was a pleasure working with Sandy (um, when?!). Anyway, Malia thanks Sandy for the opportunity to be her bosun, and Tom and Malia head out.

Sandy says this was the hardest season she’s had, but she’s so grateful to have the opportunity to work with everyone this season.

And that’s a wrap (almost) on Below Deck Mediterranean! There will be a 2-part reunion over the next few weeks, but I for one am happy the season is over. It really was the Rob and Jess show for most of the season, but there was so much drama and the most turnover I can remember on any season of any reality show! It was a crazy season, and there were some interesting guests and lots of drama – a lot of which was fake (thanks editors!). But what would a Below Deck show be without a little delusion? M

Winning When it Counts?

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Big Brother: All Stars | CBS | Week 10 Nominations

The season of Big Brother: All Stars is starting to wind down, as we’re left with five players in the game. Who kept the most pumpkins in his/her basket to claim one of the final HoH titles of the season?

In the DR, Christmas says she’ll nominate Nicole and Cody if she wins, with Cody being her ultimate target. Cody says if Memphis wins, he’s going on the block; so things aren’t looking great for the Jersey boy. Memphis says he wants Nicole out because he’s not aligned with her (in any of his alliances).

Everyone initially has trouble with the HoH competition, in which they have to get “pumpkins” (dodge balls) to stay in their “baskets” while going over balance beams. The issue is that the “baskets” are extremely flat, so any movement on the balance beam sends the “pumpkins” flying all over; if any of the “pumpkins” hit the ground they have to start all over again.

Oh, Brother.

Christmas seems to get a rhythm going, and Memphis figures out a system as well. Nicole is doing ok, and Enzo is a complete disaster.

Christmas gets down to 2 “pumpkins” left, when one of the smaller balls falls out of her “basket”, and she has to start over again.

Memphis gets down to 2 “pumpkins” left, when one of his smaller balls falls out of his “basket”, and he has to start over again.

Nicole is now in the lead, and only needs 1 more “pumpkin” to win the competition. She says she can “taste Victor’s letter” if she wins, and she places the last “pumpkin” in her “basket”. She slowly lowers her balance beam and hits the button to win the competition and become HoH – her first competition win of the season.

Christmas gets upset and starts crying; she tells Nicole she’s sad because she was so close to winning and couldn’t. Nicole walks away, but laughs and says “they’re sad because I won,” which I found a little strange…

In the DR, Enzo says Nicole is going to do some of his dirty work because he’s aligned with everyone else in the house; Cody has similar thoughts later.

Memphis thinks he’s good with Cody, Enzo and Christmas, but Cody says he’ll turn on Memphis but “yes” him to death. In the DR, Nicole says she’ll come after Memphis, who nominated her, and Christmas, who tried to flip the vote on her. In the DR, Cody says Nicole taking a shot at Memphis is great for his (and Enzo’s) game.

Christmas accidentally walks in on Enzo in the bathroom, which marks the second time we’ve seen that happen this season – the first time it was Nicole. I never noticed before (and it’s hard to see in the picture) but the bathroom seems to have a lock with a green indicator on the front. Are they not allowed to lock that door?

The players go see Nicole’s HoH room, and she reads her letter from fiance and former Big Brother player and Amazing Race partner Victor; she reads it and gets very happy – she does not, in fact, taste it.

Christmas talks with Nicole, and Nicole basically tells her she’s going to nominate her. She doesn’t want Christmas to go home; however, Cody and Enzo have never done anything to her, so she has no reason to nominate them. Christmas tells her Cody is the biggest target because he’s good at comps and the jury loves him. Right on cue, Cody comes to talk to Nicole and Christmas leaves. Nicole and Cody discuss everything Christmas just said, and Cody turns his attention to getting Christmas out over Memphis. Nicole says Cody’s BB life is in her hands, and asks if he’ll vote how she wants him to vote.

Memphis, Enzo, Cody and Christmas discuss Enzo’s “foot stalker,” and I do not want to repeat the details of this conversation. Moving on…

Memphis goes to talk to Nicole to try to make a deal; in the DR Memphis says she’d be crazy not to accept his deal to vote with her and not use the veto. In the DR, Nicole says his deal is terrible.

One more time, Christmas walks in on Enzo in the bathroom.

At the nomination ceremony, surprising no one, Nicole nominates Memphis and Christmas for eviction. So unless either nominee wins the veto, Cody and Enzo are sitting pretty this week. Christmas and Memphis are good at competitions though, so it’s entirely possible that one of them could win, forcing Nicole to turn on her alliance (well, Enzo, really). Either way it would be good to get Memphis out of the house. We also learn that the veto comp will be the much loved BB Comics competition, finally! Again, not sure who to root for here, so I guess I’ll stick with Cody or the Meow Meow, for now. M