Relationship Status: It’s Complicated

Episode 2 of our weekly 2-episode block (again, why Bravo is intent on burning off these seasons when networks are currently praying for content is anyone’s guess).

Luke and Laura end their make out sesh and rejoin the crew. Luke then takes off to the bathroom with Margot, while Harry untangles Laura’s halo, aka gold Greek headband from her hair. Later, Harry talks to Aesha and says he needs to be more forward with Margot; Margot tells Luke that she loves Harry but doesn’t want to always be “stuck” with him. #Ouch, that one hurts.

In a confessional, Aesha explains who’s crushing on who and… it’s complicated. Somehow there are 5 different configurations of couples (not including Culver and “Cheffy” Tzarina, who seem to be getting more flirty), so Aesha declares the situation is not a love triangle but a love pentagon. As Harry tell Aesha he “doesn’t just want to hook up with [Margot] at the club”, Ms. Third Stew is making out with bosun Luke in the bathroom hallway. #Ouch, again.

The crew gets back to the boat, and everyone is supremely wasted. Everyone changes into their bathing suits for the hot tub, but Laura takes the time to make out with Luke again in his cabin; Margot walks in on them, and then leaves. Side note: Luke has a huge skull and crossbones tattoo on his chest that I don’t think we’ve seen so far (when people tell you who they are…). In the middle of everything, Culver has a video call with his mom, Kim – who he calls Keem – at least per the captions. Being a chef, Kim asks Culver how the chef is doing; he says she’s great, and then Tzarina appears and chats with them for a bit.

Everyone – except Laura, she’s getting ready, natch – jumps in the hot tub and before Luke can even tell Culver his ‘truth or dare’ dare, Laura comes up and asks Luke to help her find her phone. He jumps out of the hot tub, leaving Margot annoyed. Luke finds the phone in his cabin, and he and Laura end up in the shower together. Everyone’s getting out of the hot tub, and Adam tells Culver to kiss Tzarina because she’s wrapping a bathrobe around him; he does! As people are getting to bed, Laura wanders into Luke’s cabin and gets into bed with him to sleep over. Harry and Margot sit in the crew mess and eat way too much ramen – and broccoli, of some sort? Harry drunkenly pleads his case to Margot, and they end up kissing; they go to bed, and he kisses her goodnight.

The next morning the crew all stumble out of their beds, or Luke’s bed, in Laura’s case. Margot notices she’s not in their cabin, and asks her where she slept; Laura says “What’s his name? Culver.” I thought she was going to lie to Margot’s face to spare her feelings, but then she quickly follow up with “Or Luke. Luke.” Way harsh, Tai. Aesha again helps Captain Jason with his contacts, and the prep for the next charter gets underway. Laura helps Luke clean up his cabin and jokes that she’s his girlfriend, which he does not appreciate. In a confessional, he says Laura’s a stage five clinger, but wants to redeem himself with Margot. On the job side of things, Luke notices the deck isn’t cleaned properly; Harry in a confessional says that was Adam’s job, but Adam thinks he’s too good to mop and clean up.

Preference sheet meeting time – and these upcoming charter guests have dietary restrictions, which is always a nightmare. One guest has a bunch of restrictions, so Tzarina says she’s going to have to get creative. Jason tells the heads of department that the weather is going to be very rainy and that they need to see about entertaining the guests. Luke goes to the galley and talks to Tzarina about his late night hookup; Aesha joins them. As they’re talking, after sneaking a drink of red wine (a big no-no while on duty), Laura stops in the hallway and hears what Luke has to say; she’s not amused and in a confessional is annoyed that they’re talking about her. Luke and Laura leave but continue talking; Luke says he doesn’t want to lead anyone on, just as Margot walks in and overhears. Seriously, how big is this boat, and are producers just pointing and yelling “Go, now!”? Word travels fast, but usually by people talking, not overhearing directly…

Luke has a meeting with the deck team and says they need to be more on top of things; he switches up everyone’s schedule so he can keep an eye on Adam. Some last minute checks in the rain, and the guests arrive. Jason and Luke escort the guests on the boat with umbrellas, and Aesha gives them the tour. The ship takes off and charter 3 is officially underway. Later, Aesha is preparing drinks and using bottled lime juice; Laura squeezes a bit of lime and asks Aesha to taste the difference. In a confessional Aesha says of course it’s better, but she doesn’t have time to squeeze 50 limes, and she’s absolutely right! Aesha tells Laura to do whatever she wants, but she’s using the bottled stuff. I think they definitely need to implement a rule in which if you are or were ever a chief stew, you cannot apply for a 2nd stewardess role. It. Never. Works!

As the rain is pouring down, the boat anchors and Tzarina prepares a sushi lunch. The guests are happy, but want to go snorkeling. Can you snorkel in the rain? Apparently, because they do. Luke tells Adam to clean stuff up while he and Harry takes the guests out; Adam is not happy. I don’t understand Adam’s entitlement, but again – if you’re a captain of your own boat, or have some other higher level type job, you shouldn’t apply to be a deckie. It. Never. Works!

The guests have a great time and make their way back to the boat. Everyone gets ready for dinner service; in a confessional, Margot says she’s not into Luke any more. While blowing up balloons for dinner decorations, Margot and Laura talk to Luke; while Laura’s running the balloons up to the table, Luke tells Margot that Laura came on too strong. When Laura gets back, he tells her she needs to “crack other eggs,” i.e. hook up with other people; he’s clearly still trying to redeem himself with Margot. Later, Margot tells Aesha about Luke’s escapades with Laura, but it’s ok because she “[has] Harry” and that they made out the previous night. Margot’s starting to get on the Harry train, and Aesha is excited. While blowing up more balloons, Laura talks to Adam and asks him if he thinks less of her for kissing Luke; he really couldn’t care less.

It’s dinner time, and Tzarina is trying to be careful of the dietary restrictions, especially for guest Janae (aka “Little Miss Fussypots”). Everything’s plated, but when it’s served, guest Karina says she “doesn’t eat this,” referring to the first course – a lamb lollipop. As the shady editors prove, this was not listed on her preference sheet. Tzarina in a confessional says she screwed up, and that she was so focused on Janae’s multiple restrictions, she missed Karina’s. She also doesn’t have enough of the gluten free tostado dish to substitute, as requested. Aesha bring out some jalapeño poppers, and has to tell the guests they don’t have any more tostadas; Tzarina then has to figure out what to do for course 2 – tomahawk steaks – which now need to be replaced…

This crew can’t catch a break, professionally or personally! From the looks of the next episode, Luke goes wild and it seems like he prevents a producer and/or camera guy into his room; Adam gets seasick, and the love pentagon continues on… and this is why I don’t watch 2 episodes back to back – there’s just too much drama going on – above and below deck.

MxM