We’re back aboard The Northern Sun, right where we left off. Captain Jason tells the guests, Kristyl and Brandon – who decided to jump into the ocean – that tomorrow he’s going to bring them back to the marina. After mouthing off, they apologize, and after looking for more alcohol (those poor livers) they finally go to bed.

The next morning, Jason drops by to let Aesha know that her third stew missed her flight and won’t be coming for 2 days. Aesha, stunned, asks him if he’s joking, and he says “Yeah, I am. She’ll be here this morning.” What a rascal… Jason then meets with Luke to tell him about the guest’s escapades, (guestcapades?) and Luke realizes he screwed up by not keeping a deckhand up, as Jason asked him. Jason says they’re looking for another deckhand, but to keep someone up, and Luke says he’ll keep someone up. Progress!

Tzarina makes lobster and crab eggs benedict and says she was going to make hash browns but there is no cheese grater in the galley. She says she’s not used to being so disorganized but this galley is an issue because there’s just no space. She jokes that the galley is “handling her” and that she wishes Captain Jason would “handle her”… barely two episodes in and I have a feeling this thirst will continue on for quite some time…

Luke talks to the guys and explains what happened with the guests; as Adam eloquently puts it, “that’s a full-ass man overboard,” and Luke says they’re going to implement shifts to get their act together.

At the breakfast table, Laura tells the other guests about Kristyl and Brandon jumping off the boat, and they do seem a little embarrassed. Guests Ashleigh and Kristyl come to breakfast, where Kristyl says to Aesha that when her champagne glass is empty, that means “refill.” Kristyl then mentions to Aesha that she “needs” champagne in her room when she wakes up in the morning, and that 5:15 is a “good time.” Aesha is a little taken aback and says she won’t be up at 5:15, but she can get it to her as soon as she’s up. I’m sorry, but what planet are these people from? Are these nouveau riche who think they can just say something and it will magically appear? Someone has to deliver champagne; I could be wrong, but I sincerely doubt she has round the clock champagne service at home. Aesha takes this behavior like a champ and cracks on.

While breakfast is going on, the third stew, Margot, arrives by tender. She’s greeted by Luke, who in a confessional says “the women on the boat – it’s a little dangerous,” and then goes on to explain how he messed up his longest relationship because he didn’t want to be told what to do. Just like the guests, I often wonder where they find the crew, who are the horniest people on the planet. Margot meets Aesha, and tells Aesha she’s from Wisconsin, and she used to work for Amazon. She hated it, and has only been in yachting for six months. The guests continue to squabble while Margot meets Captain Jason and the rest of the crew.

Laura shows Margot the ropes while the deckies do their thing – and they realize at some point they lost a swim ladder because they didn’t take it off before the boat went cruising. Adam tells Luke what happened; Jason comes along and Luke tells him as well. Jason, in a confessional, says even though they’re a man down, this is the second time Luke screwed up and he’s doubting his ability. In a confessional, Luke says he knows he needs to get it together, but on the boat tells Harry and Adam not to stress.

Brandon wakes up and while he’s presumably sober, apologizes again to Jason; Jason says it’s all good, and then says to Aesha if he had to apologize every time he was drunk he’d be f***ed. Aesha goes to the galley to talk to Tzarina about the guest’s requested Moulin Rouge themed night, and Aesha says they’re dressing as ‘can-can’ girls. Margot says she’s not a dancer, but Laura has been dancing for 15 years. Convenient! But Laura strikes me as the type of person who would say she can do just about anything… The guests go diving with Adam and Harry, as Jason finally finds a deckhand. Later, below deck, Luke asks Margot to walk on his back, and she does; they talk about the crew night out and Luke is practically drooling.

Later later, Margot asks Harry how old he is (23) and he says that he’s 6’4″ but in a confessional confesses that he’s really 6’5.” Apparently from experience he’s learned to lie about his height because that one inch is somehow a dealbreaker for most girls. The stews set up the Moulin Rouge décor, and Laura says she can do a can-can dance now that Aesha’s tracked down an appropriate costume. Jason joins the guests for dinner, and the crew and the guests dress in Moulin Rouge costumes. The guests are happy with the food, but continue to fight like petulant children. In a confessional, Jason critiques the presentation of the food, but says it tastes “alright.”

Laura gets dressed and after a minor tech issue, Aesha pulls up some music on her phone and Laura performs a can-can dance for the guests at the table. The crew joins in, as well as some guests, and the guests are quite happy with the performance. Jason goes to the galley and lets Tzarina know there were some issues, but she tells him she’s aware of the things that weren’t perfect.

The next day is drop off day, and I’m exhausted just watching these guests. Aesha asks Jason if he wouldn’t mind waking Carmen, the primary, because it was on her preference sheet to have a hot crew member wake her up, apparently? Again, what planet do these garbage people hail from, because NASA needs to discover it and blow it up. Jason and Aesha have bonded, and she says he’s like a big brother; she loves putting him in awkward situations. Jason puts on a mask, puts a rose in his mouth, and delivers breakfast in bed to Carmen after chanting “tips” away from the guests. He really is a sport, because my answer would have been “hell no.” The rest of the guests have breakfast and are really happy with their quail eggs. Kristyl and Brandon arrive and start acting up, yet again. Aesha in a confessional says she’d pay these guests to leave. Same.

It’s time for the first docking, and Luke asks Margot and Laura to help with the fenders. The guests continue to yell at each other while Jason maneuvers to the dock. It’s a very close call, but Laura manages to not let the boat hit, by jamming a fender between the boat and dock. The guests depart, still arguing; but Carmen apologizes to Jason and gives him the tip. At the first tip meeting, Jason thanks the crew and tells them there’s a deckhand on the way. The tip is $17,500, and everyone seems happy, though I’d want my own yacht for dealing with these people. As Captain Jason likes to do, he retrieves his disco ball helmet – a “you can do better award” – and gives it to Luke because of the lost swim ladder; Luke happily accepts.

Before the crew night out, Aesha gets a video call from her boyfriend; she says they’ve been together for 2 years and they want to buy a house in New Zealand because they’ve been living out of an ambulance (?) and going to the bathroom in buckets is not fun. Very odd, and also TMI? Harry is eager to go out and talks to Margot while Laura is hogging their shower. Tzarina, whose luggage still hasn’t arrived, wears a tracksuit, and Luke wears the disco ball helmet. After what seems like 6 hours, to Margot, Laura is finally ready and they crew heads out.

At the restaurant, Luke is flirty with Margot and the crew starts drinking at dinner. At the club, Harry dances with Margot and in a confessional, Luke says “It’s game on.” Douchey, much? In a corner, Margot asks Aesha if Harry is gay; they laugh but Aesha says he’s not. Luke continues pursuing Margot, and while they’re talking he says she has an eyelash on her and she should close her eyes. She does, and he kisses her, much to everyone’s shock and Margot’s annoyance. He doubles down and asks her if they can kiss for real, but her arms are folded and she doesn’t seem to be having it. Luke is certainly giving Gary from Below Deck Sailing Yacht a run for his money on the douche-o-meter so far, but with a new male deckhand added to the mix, and Harry’s puppy dog crush, Margot (who’s known everyone for less than 24 hours!) may be able to send him packing.

MxM

We’re back in Australia (specifically Cairns, site of a certain boat crash involving a certain luxury yacht captain) with Captain Jason Chambers and a new season of Below Deck Down Under!

Jason has his work cut out for him this season, as the yacht he is captaining, The Northern Sun, is a refurbished one from 1977. Jason mentions that the yacht has been updated for the guests, but not for him – there are no modern controls on this yacht, and it only has one rudder, which makes steering a lot more difficult. As they depart for the first charter, there is a close call with almost knocking into the dock, so we’ll see how he manages with all future maneuvers. As Jason gets ready to meet the crew before the first charter, he get the news that a stewardess is delayed because she is on another boat, and a potential deckhand has visa issues, so the crew is already down 2 people before the season even begins!

The only returning crew member from season 1 is Chief Stewardess Aesha Scott, who is just a human ray of sunshine. Even though Aesha says she’s going to be a “tough bitch”, she quickly corrects herself and says she’ll be a “tougher bitch” this season, and not let anyone walk all over her. If this episode is any indication, she has a long way to go, but more on that later. During the charter, when Jason calls Aesha to his room to help him put in his contacts, she gets downright giddy, because she “loves eyeballs.” I mean if anyone was made for reality television, it’s Aesha. I’m happy she made the jump between franchises because she was so great on Below Deck Mediterranean, and this just seems like such a natural fit for her.

Our new bosun is named Luke, and he immediately seems to click with Captain Jason, very unlike Jamie from last season. Luke says he was a second officer and hated it because he was in front of a computer all day. He prefers to be out and about with the deck crew and seems very knowledgeable – he already had to navigate the close call with being too close to the dock, so we’ll have to see how things go when they dock into a slip, but he seems solid so far.

On deck with Luke is deckhand Adam, from Brooklyn – who gets seasick and can’t swim, and bribed his remedial swimming instructor to pass him. Adam says in high school he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, and found boating, despite the aforementioned seasickness and inability to swim; seems like two things that would immediately dissuade someone from the yachting life, but to each his own. On the opposite end of the spectrum is Aussie deckhand Harry, who seems all about the life aquatic. The deck team seems to get along very well so far; Luke is extremely eager and excited, and he seems to want to both learn from and teach his new crew.

New Chef Tzarina, who hails from England, immediately has some issues with the galley, as it’s pretty small and there is not much space for preparation. Jason asks her how it’s going and she tells him she’s frustrated by the situation; later, she says she thought about quitting three times already. Not a great start, but I think she just needs to find her footing in the galley and come up with her own way of doing things. Her food, especially her charcuterie board(s!) looks absolutely amazing. (Side note: Ileisha from this season of Below Deck Sailing Yacht was probably the best chef I’ve ever seen across all franchises, so after watching her all season, Tzarina has her work cut out for her). Again, unlike last season on Down Under, where Chef Ryan disregarded preference sheets and didn’t seem to care about his job, Tzarina just wants to do her absolute best. She explains that she is dyslexic, so she goes through guest preference sheets very thoroughly to understand their needs. I hope she gets things together because she seems great at her job and is way too hard on herself, like most of these chefs are.

Rounding out the crew is stewardess Laura, from Latvia. At first she seems like a no-nonsense type of stew, but when Aesha asks her to change from her uniform into her more casual “blues,” Laura takes 20 minutes, casually doing her hair and applying makeup. She finally comes back, after the guests keep calling for her, and Aesha says she took way too long to change (so a little tougher, but not in a bitchy way). In a confessional, Laura doesn’t understand the big deal, because in Latvia it’s all about beauty and she says she should look good doing her job – which, ok sure – but not for 20 minutes and not when poor Aesha is running around like a chicken without a head for these demanding guests. Later, Aesha explains that they can’t really take breaks because there’s only two of them, and Laura says she doesn’t expect a break when they’re a stew down; Aesha is really happy to hear that and loves that Laura is experienced and can be her right hand. Again, we’ll see how another stew added to this mix changes things up, but Aesha is just trying to keep her head above water, for now.

Oh and these guests. I’m always surprised at how people act when they know that cameras are rolling. Five minutes into the charter, the guests start arguing; primary guest Carmen mentions that Kristyl has something on her face and all hell breaks loose. Their friends get involved and start screaming, all while Aesha sneaks around to try to avoid them mid-tantrum. They continually yell for Laura to get them drinks, and the “sober on the preference sheet” Kristyl changes her mind (just like Aesha said she would!) and decides she’s into alcohol again, so let the Bacardi flow! Luke takes them to a scuba diving experience, which looks incredible; it’s not really scuba diving, but what I imagine was the precursor to scuba – a huge helmet that each guest can wear while going underwater to swim with the fish. Luke enjoys himself along with the guests and then it’s back to the boat.

Dinner goes well and the guests (mostly) go to bed. Jason tells Luke to keep a deckhand up, just in case, but Luke goes to bed and tells Adam and Harry to as well, since he thinks they’ll be too tired for work the next day if they don’t. As the stew crew are cleaning up, one of the guests named Brandon, wearing only a blue speedo, wanders around the boat and asks Aesha for more champagne; she fills his glass and he goes away. Aesha tells Laura that Aesha will go down and take the early shift, so Laura can go down later and wake up later. After Aesha goes to bed, Laura is cleaning up and Brandon pops up again to ask Laura if it’s ok if they (meaning he and Kristyl, who is now also up and about) can go swimming. Laura bluntly tells them they cannot, since it’s late, they’re drunk, and it’s too dark. Brandon tells Kristyl they need to sneak out if they want to swim, and the two proceed to jump off the boat into the water. Laura has no choice but to wake Jason, who looks for the deckhand that’s supposed to be around, and Jason gets up. He tells the guests to get out of the water and if they do something like this again, he’ll go back to the marina. Because they’re wasted, Kristyl gets mouthy with the captain, and Jason decides he’s just going to take the guests back to the marina the next day to cut things short.

So brand new boat, brand new crew, and same old drama! From the trailer, it looks like it’s going to be an interesting season, with what Aesha describes as a “love pentagon” between the deckhands and stews. Jason terminates someone, and hopefully next episode we’ll have some new crew to meet. I love the different flavor that each Below Deck brings, and that there are now so many shows that when one ends we immediately dive into another one – pun very much intended.

MxM