Take a Chill Pill in Ibiza

Below Deck Mediterranean | Bravo | Season 5 Episode 15: Shot Through the Heart, and Ibiza’s to Blame

Picking up immediately where we left off, Jess is sitting on the swim platform and Malia is tending to her. Malia radios Captain Sandy, who says to tell Jess to come see her. She goes back to her cabin to change; Rob says Jess is just anxious from the conversation they had. Jess goes to see Sandy and Sandy takes her blood pressure; it’s slightly elevated but Sandy said she had palpitations and it led to heart attack, so she wants to be extra cautious. Jess seems better, so she gets back to work. In an interview she says her relationship with Rob is taking a physical toll on her.

When the guests get back to the boat, Johnny Damon tries to hit some baseballs off the swim platform but is quite drunk. For dinner they are having a Great Gatsby party, and the guests, deck crew and stews are all in costume. Still a little drunk, Johnny sends back his steak to make it a little more well done. Ultimately though, everyone loves the dinner. We’ve had enough chef drama, Below Deck. Enough with the idea that the guests don’t like the food, please and thank you.

In the morning, Alex is looking for Rob, who is still sleeping. Jess runs to get him and he jumps out of bed to relieve Alex. Malia gets up and walks around the boat, complaining that it looks terrible, and seemingly starts doing things Rob should have done. She tells him she doesn’t want to see him and Jess kissing on deck; clearly he’s doing that instead of working.

Bugsy compliments Jess on her tablescape and the laundry; she says Jess has ‘done really, really well.’ Sandy calls Jess to the bridge and thanks her for being on top of things. Rob teases her and asks if she’s gotten her first compliment, which was genuinely funny. Jess again says how Bugsy’s structure is helping her. #Obviously.

Rob says his relationship with Jess is making him screw up. When they dock, he throws a line but drops it in the water several times. They finally get through it, and Rob overhears Malia complaining to Busgy about him; he says he’s entitled to make mistakes and she’s being a bit rude. Malia then tells Alex he needs to be wherever it’s critical because she can’t deal anymore.

The Damons leave the boat, and Malia has a chat with Rob about his mistakes. In an interview, he says he knows he’s screwing up; he tells Malia he understands. Sandy says the crew is getting better with Aesha and Tom, and the crew gets an $18,000 tip.

Aesha and Jess discuss boatmances; Aesha tells her about Jack and Jess tells her she and Rob have already said they love each other. Later, Aesha, Rob, Jess and Alex are talking, and while Rob is talking to Aesha, Jess is talking to Alex and somehow (?) this leads to a fight between Rob and Jess. Rob says he didn’t want to interrupt Jess and Alex’s conversation, and Jess says she didn’t want to interrupt Rob and Aesha.

Afterward, Jess goes to talk to Rob and he’s a little cold to her. She goes to talk to him again and she gets mad that he was ‘ignoring’ her; he says he was just having a light conversation with Aesha. They both say they don’t want to argue and Jess walks away. Later, in an interview Rob says Jess was just jealous; she apologizes and they make up.

Aesha gets a call from her brother and says this crew is bit harder to gel with than the crew last year. And it’s true! We see a flashback to last year, and Aesha had Jack, Colin and Anastasia to hang out with. This year, she’s on the Love Boat, with all couples: Bugsy and Alex, who are just starting up, Malia and Tom, who can’t keep their hands off each other, and Rob and Jess, who are kissing one second, fighting the next.

The crew goes out to dinner in Ibiza, and it’s all couples + Aesha (and Pete – who is there but heavily edited out, as promised). Jess realizes she may have seen Rob the year before; this somehow leads to another fight, because Rob basically doesn’t care. He says ‘they’re there now’, so what does it matter, and Jess doesn’t appreciate that. The crew heads out to the club, and Rob tells Tom he can’t do anything right where Jess is concerned. Rob shows Aesha how to make a can of Red Bull suction to her palm (is that a common thing people do?), and Jess gets angry; in an interview she says she doesn’t want to watch Rob flirt with “Ayeesha”. Later, Jess tells Rob she thinks he’s already done with her; he says she’s projecting, but the episode ends with Jess telling Rob she’s ‘done.’

Stray Thoughts Ahoy

  • At the closing party, Michelle Damon straddles Aesha and makes her drink; she says ‘Don’t tell Captain Sandy!’ The guests are super drunk and having a great time in Ibiza.

  • Aesha calls Bugsy a s*** stain, and explains how it’s a term of endearment. Mmmkay. Did she call people that last season? Don’t think so?

  • Johnny apparently pees off the side of the boat; there was definite pixelization…

  • Tom prepares breakfast and Bugsy finally knows how to say ‘huevos rancheros’!

  • Alex and Bugsy (finally) kiss. Here’s hoping no one gets diabetes from all the sweet, sweet love happening on The Wellington. M

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